Sometimes when I’m uploading pictures or typing out a conversation I’ve had with someone in my family, I wonder if people think I’m being pushy or overdoing it by constantly posting about my wife and kids and how much I love them. I wonder if maybe I should reduce the frequency of my shared observations so as not to put people off.
I watch the news where it seems a majority (if not all) of the content is focused on domestic and community violence, betrayal and corruption, political posturing to the detriment of citizens, sexual exploitation of celebrities and children, public humiliation of people in relationships gone bad, and Sports.
And then…
I notice TV shows that are supposedly geared toward children but include gratuitous hyper-realized violence, subtle sexual undertones, or is simply a platform for blatant product promotion.
And then…
I look around at the adjunct education we may or may not be aware that our children are receiving at school: how to obtain drugs and alcohol while still underage, how to be (or at least appear) sexually active without your parents finding out, the pros and cons of bullying, and what it means to aspire to popularity at any cost.
And then…
I go to work and witness firsthand the long-term, sometimes irreparable effects of neglect and trauma on men, women and children… emotional repression, developmental delays, self-medication and isolation.
But…
That’s when I realize that in spite of my endless stream of Instagram photos, flirtatious banter with my wife, or anything else I may share with my friends, family and the world… I could never match the sheer volume of negative elements that come together to form a fortified barrier against unified families and healthy relationships.
But…
That’s when I realize that, while I may not be able make any significant dents alone, there CAN be success and strength if others join in and celebrate their passionate marriages, delightfully entertaining children and rewarding occupations. So join the rebellion and help me flood the world with stories of LOVE, VICTORY, and the pursuit of HEALTH.
Seeds and Desire
I’ve had the privilege of knowing some awesome women, who over the years have given me an earful of priceless information from the female perspective. Some of them are in great relationships, while others are still searching for one. Still others are enduring a bad relationship simply for the sake of being able to say they’re in one.
One thing that I find interesting is that in all of these cases, to be loved was of the highest priority. I don’t mean sexually (it’s sad, but without that disclaimer some people would assume as much). It seems that from childhood women will often seek affirmation through “expressions” of love. Whether it be gifts, or letters, or time spent together…
…the underlying desire is to be loved.
What seeds were planted in your childhood?
Material things aside, many of the women I know have said that they would be very happy knowing that someone thinks they are the most wonderful, most beautiful woman in the world. However, this love needs to be demonstrative, without any ulterior motives. They want to feel needed and special. They want to be a priority in someone’s life.
Some of the women I know have even said that any rebellion exhibited as teenagers had more to do with their feelings of being unwanted, unaccepted, and made to feel unattractive, more so than just wanting to get into trouble. I was told that if someone had loved them, the way they needed to be loved… they would have most likely become very different people.
I recognize the effects on women who grew up without a father, or whose mothers were inattentive. Some of them have dealt with it. Others are still struggling to come to terms with their childhood. Unfortunately, this can deeply affect their current relationships with both men and women. Some of my female friends have confided in me that it seems hard to find a good man, mostly because they tend to run at the first indication that any man possesses characteristics similar to their absentee fathers or estranged mothers. Friends who exhibit these traits are unceremoniously dismissed as well.
Honestly, I think both men and women truly want to be loved, though we may act otherwise. Men are just more prone to hide this fact than women.
WOMEN: What has been your experience, if any, with your childhood affecting your desire to be loved, and the way you receive love?
MEN: What things have made you reluctant, if at all, to communicate your desire to be loved?
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