Social Suffocation

Disc-LAME-er: There will be cliches, self-quoting, photos and a few words strung together to attempt an explanation as to why my last post was in January. But all that is lame. So…  how about we just enjoy moving forward from here? Work for you? Awesome! 😀

Okay, so let me start by saying that life can get the better of us at times. I’m not immune to its affects. It has certainly gotten the better of me. Well, at least it did back in January when I was laid off from my job of 6+ years. Lots of wonderful things have happened and I honestly meant to chronicle it all. But we all know how that turned out. 😛 I just hate the fact that when I finally come up for air, months have passed. 😦 So this is a public apology… especially to certain people who may have felt slighted by the circumstances of my life. I’ve been absent from most social media, with the exception of photos posted to Instagram that are cross-posted to Twitter and Facebook. (So follow me on those sites to stay up-to-date on my crazy, awesome life!) 😉

That being said… here’s what has been going on for the past 8 months.

January – I was laid off from my job. But instead of seeing it as a setback, my wife and I saw it as an opportunity. I’ve since gone back to school, working to obtain my degree in Human Development.

February – We’ve been working together to homeschool our four younger children.I’ve always loved to teach, and now I can
play and active role in the overall education of my children! We alternate days of teaching the children and being full-time writers. We get to enjoy our children, as well as the beauty of each day.

This month we also celebrated Aaron’s 8th birthday!

March – My oldest son finished his run as the lead in USC’s “Six Degrees of Separation”. He was brilliant in the role and I couldn’t have been more proud.

April – In April we celebrated, not just one, but two birthdays! A kid turning 2

…and another turning 4.

This was also the month that my amazing wife ran one of the most intense marathons! It was the SoCal Ragnar Relay Series! It consisted of 12 amazing women who came together to run all day and all through the night from Huntington Beach to San Diego! That’s like 200 miles! I was so proud of her and her team. We actually collaborated on a little video that chronicles the journey. You can view it here: Ragnar Relay – Lola’s Moving Co. Video.

May – This month, one of the highlights was my only daughter and I having another one of our Daddy/Daughter dates. She is just the most warm-hearted person ever, and I am so thankful that she is mine and I am hers. ❤

June – As I mentioned briefly, we are both pursuing our dreams of becoming published writers! Well, this month we made that dream a reality by publishing my wife’s first (of many to come) book! She started working on it in March, and in about three months time, she finished writing it, and together, we self-published it through Amazon.com. It’s titled, “How To Shop Mostly Organic At The 99¢ Only Store” and it’s fantastic! It gives in-depth pointers on finding Organic, Gluten-Free and Non-GMO foods, so that you can live well and get the most out of your shopping trips to the 99¢ Only Stores. Click on the book to check it out. It’s available as both a hard copy and e-book!

This was also the month that my second oldest son graduated from High School.

He is now in his Freshman year at Fresno State University. Wow… time really flies. I can remember when he was 9 like it was yesterday…

July – This month we enjoyed some good ol’ fashioned family time. You know, just being silly…

…or roughing it in the woods, camping with 20+ family and friends from our church. It’s one of the things we most look forward to during the summer. This was our 5th annual camping trip and each year it only gets better.

August – This month we sent our second oldest off to college, and finally had an opportunity to get away, just the two of us, for our wedding anniversary. The first time we’ve been able to do so in more then five years! We went to Ojai, CA and stayed at the Capri Hotel. It was a dazzling few days (with intense heat to match) that we both loved. 30 mile bike rides. Midnight pool swimming. Sushi for lunch and frozen yogurt runs in the evening. One of the best times I’ve had in like… forever! lol

There’s a ton more I could say, but I’m hoping that this will help to spark my writing and get me back to being more consistent with my blog. Thank you for everyone who’s stuck around. I won’t keep you waiting like that ever again. 😉

5 Things That Should Be Said (But Often Aren’t)

1) Whenever I come across blogs posts that I don’t understand or agree with, I do what I believe all people should do!

NOTHING.

I go on with my life.

I like chocolate.

2) If you have a problem with someone on the internet, take matters into your own hands…
read a book.

3) Being attractive doesn’t buy you a pass to be an @$$hole.

4) Never underestimate the power of the OFF button. Use it with wild abandon.

5) I honest to goodness don’t care about you having your virtual toes stepped on. Move on.

DOVE NOTE #19: Like Fine Wine

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes “)

Like fine wine, some things only get better with time…

I like talking about my wife. Mostly because I’m hopelessly in love with her, and my interactions with her provide ongoing fodder for, among other things, my blog and my book.  But I’ve had people ask me, “What do you mean when you say you’re hopelessly in love with her?” Oh, well let me explain…

Being hopelessly in love means that there is no hope for my love for her ever changing.  She’s got my heart sewn up and it’s safely tucked away in her care. She and I work very hard to define our relationship as one that gets better as the days go by. We actively pursue peace through honest assessment and vulnerability. She knows the areas where I fall down and helps me get back up again.

We believe that success includes being able to own your mistakes. When you make excuses for something you’ve done, whether or not it was intentional, you rob yourself  and your partner of the opportunity to work together to modify future behavior and prevent it from happening again. Accountability also allows you to celebrate your accomplishments together. If I’ve overcome a paralyzing fear of public speaking through her encouragement, support and nudging, it becomes a victory not only for me, but for her as well. Being transparent with someone is not a simple thing to do, but it is possible and the rewards are endless. Better communication. Better understanding of our needs. Better intimacy. The list goes on…

In many relationships, it’s not enough to be intelligent, beautiful, outgoing or talented. Nope. Those things are great. But what matters most of all is personality and character compatibility. See, you can have two relatively nice people who both enjoy music and dancing. But life experience, coupled with how they were raised… whether or not they have siblings… how they get along with their parents… and personal temptations (money, alcohol, attention, etc) can all have an adverse affect. One person’s tendencies can push another person’s buttons.

For example, let’s say a guy grew up in a family that consistently avoided conflict by ignoring the obvious elephant in the room. The girl comes from a family that addresses conflict immediately so that it doesn’t fester and become a bigger problem. Put the two of them together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. While she pushes for communication, he will constantly blow off having an uncomfortable conversation. She feels ignored. He feels pressured. Do they still share the same interests? Sure. Do they find each other attractive? Of course. But unless this issue is dealt with, the relationship becomes unhealthy and eventually unsustainable. It’s another sad case of good people who unfortunately weren’t good together.

It’s all about finding compatibility with someone who is equally committed to creating a healthy relationship. And no, it’s not automatic. It takes time, effort and patience. But the end result is becoming another couple that’s hopelessly in love. 😉

I’m Writing Again!

This may seem strange considering that I have multiple blogs and I’m fairly active on any number of social networks. But I’ve recently found my muse and I’ve been inspired to return to writing! Not the blog article/occasionally-way-too-long-comment kind of writing. I mean the novel/short story kind of writing.

Over the years I’ve started several books with such provocative titles like “Puncture Wounds” and “Come Kill Me”. But for some reason they all wind up abandoned with their potential unrealized. Well, I’ve finally decided to finish them all, starting with a short story called “Ring The Alarm”.

I should be done with the first draft by this weekend, after which I will delve headlong into revisions and polishing. But for now, I’d like to share a snippet with you. I cover your comments. This is from the first chapter titled “The Institute”…

DOVE NOTE #24: Love Language

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes “)

I was talking to a friend the other day and he asked me, “So how’s married life?”  I told him that this is the absolute happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.  And for those who know my history, that’s saying a lot.  Because I honestly thought that I would never love or be loved like this… EVER.  I was deeply wounded by my last marriage, but even so there was always a part of me that believed in a deep love and still yearned for it.

So, in the beginning of my relationship with Dre, we discussed the importance of demonstrating love and feeling loved.  You know… that feeling that tells you beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone truly loves you?  It not only provides indisputable proof of your commitment to a person, but it can fan the flames of passion.  And who doesn’t appreciate passion, right?   Anyway, we’d heard about the Five Love Languages and decided to find out which one best described our individual needs.

What was most interesting was learning that there were very different ways that made us feel loved.    For Dre, nothing says “I love you” more than spending time with her.  Sure… I can call her at work and say I love you every day for a month… I can even have elaborate bouquets of flowers delivered to the house every Thursday at 3 o’clock… but for her these things will never replace me actually being with her.

By spending time with her, it communicates to her that she is important to me, and says there’s nothing more important to me right now than her.  And we both benefit because it means she wants me around… she enjoys my company.  My friend put it best when he said, “She has chosen to love you… not like family who loves you because you’re related, but because she sees something in you that’s valuable.”  Amen.

For me, its very different.  What lets me know that she loves me is her confidence in me… her support and encouragement.  She can give me compliments all day, and even spend time with me, but it doesn’t replace knowing and hearing that she believes in me.  If I’ve completed something that I’ve worked hard on and she says, “You did a great job honey,” that’s nice and all, but what would really put me on cloud nine is if while I’m working or planning, for her to say that I’m doing a great job, that she trusts my judgment, that she believes I’m doing the right thing and I’m on the right track.  Build my confidence and I’ll feel loved.

With this revelation, we had to rethink what defines things for our relationship like Romance, Intimacy and Consideration.  The trick here was remembering that when demonstrating love we can find ourselves only giving what we hope to receive.  But with true love, it’s more about communicating what you need and feeling loved when that person sincerely gives it to you.

This year we’ll be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary… and I still look at her with wide-eyed disbelief of how incredibly blessed I am to have found her… not someone like her… but HER in particular.