Posts Tagged With: TV

Join The Rebellion


Sometimes when I’m uploading pictures or typing out a conversation I’ve had with someone in my family, I wonder if people think I’m being pushy or overdoing it by constantly posting about my wife and kids and how much I love them. I wonder if maybe I should reduce the frequency of my shared observations so as not to put people off.

And then…Join The Rebellion (smaller)

I watch the news where it seems a majority (if not all) of the content is focused on domestic and community violence, betrayal and corruption, political posturing to the detriment of citizens, sexual exploitation of celebrities and children, public humiliation of people in relationships gone bad, and Sports.

And then…

I notice TV shows that are supposedly geared toward children but include gratuitous hyper-realized violence, subtle sexual undertones, or is simply a platform for blatant product promotion.

And then…

I look around at the adjunct education we may or may not be aware that our children are receiving at school: how to obtain drugs and alcohol while still underage, how to be (or at least appear) sexually active without your parents finding out, the pros and cons of bullying, and what it means to aspire to popularity at any cost.

And then…

I go to work and witness firsthand the long-term, sometimes irreparable effects of neglect and trauma on men, women and children… emotional repression, developmental delays, self-medication and isolation.

But…

That’s when I realize that in spite of my endless stream of Instagram photos, flirtatious banter with my wife, or anything else I may share with my friends, family and the world… I could never match the sheer volume of negative elements that come together to form a fortified barrier against unified families and healthy relationships.

But…

That’s when I realize that, while I may not be able make any significant dents alone, there CAN be success and strength if others join in and celebrate their passionate marriages, delightfully entertaining children and rewarding occupations. So join the rebellion and help me flood the world with stories of LOVE, VICTORY, and the pursuit of HEALTH.

Categories: commentary, opinion, personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Avery & The Troubling Tribbles


Avery & The Troubling Tribbles

Yes… I’m a Trekkie. As will be all of my children. lol

Categories: relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Dove Note #99 – The Gender Scale of Intimacy


I was talking to a female friend a while ago and we were discussing the difference between intimacy for men and women. I listened as she expressed her opinion that most men only consider sex as intimacy… and that if a woman mentions intimacy to a man, he automatically assumes she wants sex. She went on to say that she believes that some men do realize that sex and intimacy are two different things, but they wrongly assume that sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy.

I listened a while longer as she reprimanded the male gender for our lasciviousness and carnal preoccupations. I smiled, and asked her, “So how do WOMEN define intimacy?”

“Intimacy to a woman can take many shapes… “

I bridled my thoughts at her choice of words…

“… it’s having your undivided attention when we talk about sensitive or emotional issues…”

“Which is usually at length, in detail and with great depth, right?”, I chaffed.

She smirked, “… or it could be an evening at home alone, just the two of us reading a book together.”

“I guess it depends on what you read. I’m sure TV Guide or PEOPLE Magazine wouldn’t count, right?”

She still wasn’t amused, “See, you men are all the same… you’d rather watch TV than spend some quality time with us.”

I sighed and said, “Okay, not all men are like that… we understand intimacy, but it looks different for us… and the fallacy with women is in thinking that our views on intimacy should be exactly the same as yours… “

I’d gotten her attention, so I proceeded.

“No, we don’t typically grab a book and say ‘Hey, honey lets read’, and our conversations typically serve one of two purposes… to relay/confirm information, ‘Hey Jim, tonight’s poker game is gonna be at Kieth’s house.’ or for business, ‘My wife paid that cable bill a week ago, why is one of your service techs cutting cords behind my house!!’ Other than that, when we’re together it’s small talk.”

“Are you afraid of sharing your feelings?” she asked, thinking she’d cornered me.

“Not exactly. But intimacy to us includes having a woman who will allow us to vent about work and world injustice… letting us teach you how to fish, change oil or program the VCR… it’s about letting us be a man TO and FOR you. That’s intimacy. But the key is learning that both forms of intimacy are important for the success of the relationship.”

She smiled, and said, “So basically, if I let him show me how change oil, he’ll read with me?”

I chuckled, “Sorta… ideally it would be given freely without expecting something in return, but that’s a start.”

It was an interesting exchange, but it just supported my theory that men and women often see the world very differently… especially when it comes to intimacy. So the next time you get a moment, bring up intimacy with your partner and expand your definition of the word to your mutual benefit.

Categories: Dove Note, humor, intimacy, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

DOVE NOTE #3: Take It Like A Man


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

For most people, there will inevitably come a time in the relationship when the woman will take issue with something the man has or hasn’t done. This will usually result in a tirade of sorts, which details all of the many ways that he has failed and/or fallen short of her expectations. It is during these moments that the man must realize and accept his role in this situation: grin (or not) and bear it.

Now why would I tell you to do this? It’s simple really. As crazy as this might sound, she’s not exactly criticizing you. She’s actually expressing her disappointment in your actions in hopes that you will once again become her superhero, or at least the man she fell in love with.

Okay, so lets back up.  Here’s an example scenario and how it plays out…
_________________________________________________________

You are watching TV and she comes and stands in front of you looking rather disheveled and clearly upset.

HER: I am so tired of you watching TV all the time! Whenever I look up, you’re watching TV! It’s like an addiction! You keep telling me you’ll take care of things as soon as the show ends, but I come back to find that you’re already watching ANOTHER show!

HIM: Wait. What?

(You try to look past her to see the TV, but notice the exaggerated movements of her arms and hands as if all at once they might disconnect from her body and fly straight toward your face.)

HER: I need you to be mindful of the rest of us. While you’re engrossed in your TV show, we’re right here in front of you. These are the times we could be spending together as a family. Instead, your head is somewhere else!  And you have the nerve to get an attitude with me when I interrupt you! This TV thing is driving me crazy!  I’m halfway thinking of getting rid of all the TVs in the house! 

(She pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath before continuing. She sounds much calmer.)

HER: You know, it would be a lot easier for me if you just had a set scheduled time to watch TV each day. That way I would know not to bother you or expect anything from you during that time. But this is getting out of hand.

HIM: Look, I…

She cuts you off.

HER: I don’t need you to explain. Just tell me. Can you give me a schedule?!?

(At this point, the conversation can go in two very different directions. You can stoke this fire until the ensuing inferno wounds everyone. Or you can diffuse the situation and simply say…)

HIM: Yeah, I can do that.

(She walks away.)
_________________________________________________________

Now normally, the guy would take issue with what appears to be an attack on his character. But you have to learn to understand what she’s really saying to you. This is not a discussion. To her it’s not even an argument. She’s not expecting (and really doesn’t want) you to day anything. This is her telling you how she feels.  She’s letting you know that she enjoys being spending time with you and that doing so is important to her. She doesn’t want you to get defensive. She just wants you to acknowledge her frustration, and demonstrate that her feeling are important to you.  It’s like a bite with a kiss chaser.

If you can get past your bruised ego and issues with pride, you will find that she will draw closer to you for your sensitivity. You will score points for your selfless understanding and for validating her feelings. Which is all she really wanted in the first place. Just don’t try to understand the logic behind her method. You will only wind up hurting your brain.

Categories: Dove Note, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Social Distortion


I was talking to a friend the other day about music and we got onto a topic regarding my concern about how everything in life seems to be moving toward Social Media. Currently, at your fingertips you can instantaneously enjoy music, movies, and eBooks. Unfortunately, I believe that this has created a culture of impatience. Especially in the current generation of teens that never knew TVs without a remote, never used a record player when it was actually a household appliance, and can hardly believe there was ever a time when people didn’t have mobile phones, let alone caller ID. But what I’m MOST concerned about is how this culture of immediacy has affected interpersonal relationships. Especially the romantic kind.

See, in an era where relationship statuses are broadcast in real time all over the world, couples are rarely given time to work out their issues before you get:

  • 50 people liking the fact that you’ve gone from “in a relationship” or “married”, to “single” or “it’s complicated”
  • a few dozen comments on how he/she was no good for you, interspersed with a handful of people making jokes about his/her appearance
  • name changed and photos of the ex-SO either deleted or untagged in less than 15 minutes

I think social media allows far too many outside influences and doesn’t give many fledgling relationship time to breathe, and the people in them time to grow and mature. I believe this causes people to make hasty decisions based on emotion instead of taking the time to come to a rational and often peaceful resolution. Instead, Social Networking promotes the “spectator mentality” so that people are drawn to online relationship conflicts in the same way that people will run to the scene of an accident. This increasing interference is what I like to call “Social Distortion”.

Sadly, it would seem that young people are more susceptible to this interference because they have so little life experience and diminishing personal references for healthy relationships. My hope is that by working to model healthy communication and interaction in my own marriage, it might help my children avoid buying into the restless lifestyle and unnecessary heartbreak.

What do you think, do you think the tide of social distortion can be turned?

Or are we headed for further deterioration of intimate relationships?

Categories: intimacy, marriage, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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