PHOTOBLOG: An August Debut

Well, you’ve heard the quick and dirty version of the birth story, so I won’t rehash that again. But they grow up so fast and I thought I’d share a few pictures of our dear August’s  life so far… all 7 days of it.

I love this shot of him peacefully sleeping in the hospital room. There’s something about these early days of sleep that seem so epically restful.

 

Of course, for the first couple of days there was more sleeping than anything else. Well, except eating. There was a ton of that, which was usually followed by being snuggled up with his gorgeous mama.

 

Here he is with my father, whom the grandkids affectionately call Papa Welch.

 

All the kids call my wife’s mother Ama because it was too hard to say “grandma” when they were younger. And it just stuck.

 

Of course, I am a proud poppa.

 

The wife, the complete brood, and the maternal grandparents.

 

First ride in a car seat. He looks so tiny!

An August announcement. I hung this outside our bay window after we brought him home. We have a lot of dog walkers and moms with baby stroller passing by and they all stop to read it. Even one of our neighbors came over with a present because they saw the banner!

 

My mom, Granny Welch.

 

My brother, Uncle Myke.

 

And no day would be completely without the healing properties of Mommy kisses.

August Love In April

On April 2nd, after 21 hours of labor and a quick dash to the hospital, my amazing wife bypassed all paperwork, walked into an unusually empty maternity ward at around 3:45am, and had a full staff of nurses at her disposal.

By the time they got her into bed, she was already fully dilated and her water broke. The staff at Torrance Memorial sprang into action… 4 nurses and one awesome Doctor Rodriguez made quick work of transforming the labor room into a delivery room in less than 2 minutes.

With her mother rubbing her arm, and her fabulous doula reassuringly holding her hand, one contraction and two pushes was all it took for little August Elijah to make his appearance in the world!

“So happy to finally meet you!”

No matter how many times I bear witness, it never ceases to be a miracle before my eyes.

“Do you realize it’s 4am??”

Born on 04/02 at 4:02am. 8lbs, 2oz and 19.75 inches long… and we’re done!

“Don’t worry. I got this.”

Death By Broken Heart

A few years ago in April, a close, dear friend of mine lost his youngest brother who was only 31 years old.  This came after losing their mother to a long battle with cancer on New Year’s Eve the year prior.

The unofficial cause of his death: A Broken Heart

See, he was very close to his mom. He and his older sister lived together, and their mom came to stay with them during her final days. They both would help take care of her. Whatever she needed, they would provide. Loving and attentive to the very end. Before she passed, he would sleep on the floor next to her bed. So it’s no surprise that he took her death very hard. At one point he admitted to being nearly unable to function at all.

One night when his sister returned home from visiting their older brother, she found him slumped over the steering wheel of his car with the engine still running. What’s remarkable is that he’d spoken to someone on the phone just 10 minutes prior. In the short period of time between that phone call and his sister arriving home, they are guessing he must have had a heart attack. It caused me to marvel to what degree grief can diminish a person’s will to live. Even unto death. I don’t know… but I do know that there is no proven remedy for the loss of a loved one. No medication or certain type of clothes to wear. No drink or remote destination. There is only time, comfort and the healing support of those who love you.

This made me contemplate my own mortality and the things I hold dear. It’s why I’ve made it a point to study the contours of my wife’s smiling face and commit them all to memory. Because these are the treasures that remain.

Slow Down!

Is it just me, or don’t most people prefer to get to know someone over time? I mean, if you meet someone for the first time and you’re starting a relationship (dating or otherwise), isn’t part of the fun discovering new things about him or her as time passes?

Let’s try a scenario… Say I’m goin’ on a date with this girl… I’ll call her Bizzarabeth (Beth for short).
Okay, so Beth and I head out on our date… when I first met her at a mutual friend’s birthday party, everyone was calling her Beth so I call her Beth. On our way to dinner we make idle chatter and she mentions that her actual given name is Bizzarabeth. After successfully masking my initial shock with a throat-clearing cough, I tell her my name is Myxllence Doviticus. She does a double-take to see if I’m joking and then laughs in disbelief. I tell her I was kidding, but now the ice is broken and we’ve both loosened up. Now see, THAT kind of info is cool…no problem… no real big horror stories or traumatic life experiences.

Now let’s try another scenario…
I go to pick up Bizzarabeth from her house. I ring the doorbell and she invites me in while she gets her coat. Several people are sitting around watching TV in the den so she escorts me into the room to introduce me to everyone.

“Everyone, this is Myxl Dove” she smiles and begins to point as we move around the room.

“Myxl… that’s my father on the couch with the amputated leg… he’s a war veteran. My mom is the one sitting next to him nursing the oxygen tank.” Then she whispers, “She’s got emphysema cause she smokes so much!” I arch a brow and remain silent.

“That’s my brother. Ugh! …the 16 year old jail bird!” she says with disgust. “He’s a part-time crack dealer too.” She looks at me with earnest eyes, “If you get a chance maybe you can talk some sense into him?” She smiles and continues to lead me around the room. I force a smile, but my mind is sufficiently blown at this point.

“Over there is my baby sister.” She points at what appears to be a 4 year-old zombie in a playpen near the kitchen. “She’s blind in one eye cause my mom drank heavily during the pregnancy. Oh! That reminds me! How long will we be out?? I’m wondering if we can stop by the pharmacy to pick up my dad’s Viagra prescription before it closes?”

At this point I would most likely provide any outlandish excuse to get out of there as soon as possible. It’s not so much that her family has issues, most families do. The concern is that you don’t drop all this heavy info on someone you’ve just met. I’d rather find out about your dysfunctional family after I’ve built a strong foundation of friendship and/or love for you. You should never be anxious when cultivating a relationship… allow it to grow in it’s own time. Some people you automatically feel like you’ve known forever… some people you feel as if you’ll never know…

DOVE NOTE #20: Healthy Inequality

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

You will rarely (if ever) hear anyone talk about something being unequal yet healthy. That is, until today…

See, I fully believe that healthy relationships thrive on the premise that the love and effort of each individual is being reciprocated, although not always in equal amounts. What I mean is that it’s not so much about what they do or how often they do it, but rather the motivation behind the fact that they do anything at all. If the only effort put into a relationship stems from a desire to store up “credits” to use when they want something, then it’s destined to fail. It is impossible to experience the benefits of cultivating a healthy relationship when the root is established by having your needs met through guilt and manipulation. Those trees can only bear fruit of disappointment and regret.

You need to start with a realistic perspective of the dynamics of your relationship. This should include accepting that any attempt to measure the equality of “give and take” in a relationship is pointless without first finding out what kinds of things really matter to each of you individually. Because your sincere efforts may go unnoticed if you’re focusing on things that may mean a lot to you but mean very little to your significant other. And vice versa. A good place to start is determining your Love Language. It also helps to keep in mind this nugget of wisdom my mother offered me right before I got married…

“Remember that relationships won’t always be 50/50 give and take. Sometimes they’re 80/20 or 30/70, depending on what you may be facing. The key is recognizing when you can be a support, and speaking up when you need to be supported.”

Go mom! 😀