Posts Tagged With: dove

What’s In Store for Two-Zero-One-Four


Hello I’ve been meaning to write a New Year’s post for the last (checks calendar) 23 days. And while I totally missed New Year’s Day, I wholeheartedly subscribe to the “better late than never” philosophy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

This is my official “Welcome to 2014!” post. Albeit somewhat further into 2014 than I first anticipated. But you’ve still got a good, what… 11? 11 1/2 months to go? I think we can work with those numbers.

Okay, so this year I plan to blog more! I mean, I know that weeks have gone by since my LAST post, but we’ll just pretend that didn’t happen. M’kay?

One of the things I’d really like to do this year is establish more communication with my readers. You know, connect “on a deeper level” so to speak. Like, we start off as acquaintances who share an occasional laugh over some ridiculously juvenile meme about rainbows and coffee, and by the time this year is over, we’ll be BFF’s sharing inside jokes about that one time when I did something and you said that thing and was laughing for 20 minutes straight! Ha!

But…

First things first.

I figured one way to do cultivate our new found togetherness is to come up with a term of endearment for you all (all 11… 12… 13 of you ;-)). You know, like “Beliebers” for Justin Bieber (I am not) or “Marshmallows” for fans of Veronica Mars (I am indeed). Anyway, these are a few of the ideas I came up with:

  • Dove Bars
  • Dream Dovers
  • Doverboys & Doverbabes
  • Dove Tappers

Okay, okay… I know those are super lame. So please, if you would, help me out with some suggestions! I would be your BFAY (best friend all year)! Or at least until my WP premium expires. Which it won’t! I assure you.

So, back to 2014 stuff…

I’m working out again. 1003214_10151777577201773_1716813791_n

My wife and I will be celebrating out 10 year anniversary this August and I want to look even less frumpy than I did then. (Hows’ that for setting a high goal? ๐Ÿ˜›) Not that I was totally frumpy. But I want to look like I just graduated from the Super Hero Training Academy! ๐Ÿ˜€

Far fetched?

Maybe. Maybe not.

We’ll see how it goes. I’m starting off at around 200lbs. My trainer will get me down to about 185lbs, then I’ll build muscle mass back up to 200 (or as close to that without looking like some weird balloon animal).

Wish me luck! ๐Ÿ˜€

Categories: fitness, health, personal, photos | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Random Dove Thought: A Blind Eye


I’ve realized over the years that many people prioritize their friendship in two very distinct ways.

They have friends who become a priority for the things they do. They are mostly seasonal. Temporary. Prone to spoil. They last for as long as their unique action or mere presence is meeting a particular need. They are a convenience. Once they cease to be useful, they are discarded. For instance, some people become friends because they work together for the same company at the same location and can spend most of their time together… but only at work. As soon as either one of them is promoted, transferred or finds another job, all of a sudden maintaining that connection doesn’t seem as important or necessary. It was seasonal and the season has passed. Like a summer romance.

Then there are those people who become a priority friendship simply because of who they are. These are the people who are kept around because they push you to improve or encourage you toward success. They offer you hope in pursuit of your goals. They can be mentors, counselors or people who share a life experience. They are usually permanent fixtures. You talk on the phone, connect through email, IM and text messages. You invite them to parties and celebrate milestones together. They are, for all intents and purposes, here to stay.

Sometimes the difficulty with establishing friendships is knowing into which category you fall. One of the worst feelings is finding out you were temporary when all along you thought you were permanent. I don’t think anyone ever wants to feel as if their friendship is disposable. But the reality is that as deep as you think the well of connection may run, the other person may consider your friendship as shallow as a rain puddle. Temporary in the worst way. I’ve become very careful to quickly identify my position in someone’s life. When you know where you fall on the friendship list, it’s easier to deal with the inevitable conclusion.

I think the ambiguity of this process is exacerbated when it comes to online friendships. You put yourself out there and try to show yourself friendly in hopes of making a real connection. But some people can not reconcile the black box nature of technology and the internet with the fact that there are real people with real emotions at a particular IP address. They’ve convinced themselves that these people only exist online and when they sign off, they’re essentially on pause until they return. Like a relationship DVR.

Some try desperately to find ways to circumvent the devaluation of their humanity with attempts to email, talk on the phone or meet offline. They want the other person to acknowledge their humanity. Affirm their worth. They hope that by these actions they might win them a coveted spot on the permanent friends list. And they turn a blind eye to the signs of the other person’s changing season.

Categories: RDT, Series | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE CONFESSION: I’m Not A Phone Person


In order to rid myself of the growing frustration associated with what I have come to describe as “Telephonic Aversion Disorder” or TAD for short, I am confessing this to all of you: I don’t like talking on the phone. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but as it turns out, there are people who find this bizarre, disturbing or even selfish.

All I can say is that I find the phone to be a necessary distraction at best. I only make or receive phone calls when absolutely necessary. I even avoid it when it IS necessary. *sigh* I know. It’s bad. I admit. But in my defense, I think it’s a result of the PTSD caused by horrible voice mails and phone interactions with HOWie over the years. There were times when I’d hear the phone ring and immediately my heart would start racing, my face would flush and my breathing would kick up a notch. I’ve since learned to manage that anxiety. But I think there are some lingering effects still present.

It’s not that I despise talking on the phone per se. As a matter of fact, I used to be quite the charmer on the phone. In high school, I would regularly spin tales of neighborhood circumstances to my friends and relatives, or regale attractive female classmates with my growing wit and vocabulary. Before we got married, I would often talk to my (now) wife on the phone for hours and hours. There would even be days when we’d fall asleep on the phone. It was a wonderful time.

But now… the less time I spend on the phone, the better. Save for the occasional rant over a bill dispute or internet outage, I still reluctantly take calls. Most times I’ll let it go to voicemail and just check the message to see if it’s urgent. With the exception of my wife. I take EVERY. SINGLE. CALL. she makes. There is never a time when I won’t accept her call. She is me. So it would be like ignoring a call from myself.

Anyway, if you ever call me and I don’t answer, don’t take it personally. I have a real aversion to the phone that has nothing to do with you. Unless it does. lol I’m kidding.

Categories: personal, stories | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Random Dove Thought: Virtual Loss


I was talking to a friend the other day about how human emotions can be so completely unpredictable and surprising. We react to situations, circumstances and people based on what we hope for, desire or even secretly covet in our hearts. What strikes me as odd is the fact that we have these “real” emotions for things that we shouldn’t really have any attachment to. This thought process begged the question:

How can you miss something that you never had?

I’ve never been a millionaire. Maybe it’ll happen one day. But I can’t very well say that I miss being wealthy when I’ve never had excess discretionary funds. And I won’t go around griping about the crap that I can’t buy because it’s too expensive. But I still feel the emotion of wanting more or feeling like it’s a memory of a season that has passed. Where does that come from?? I don’t know. But it’s not the only scenario. There are people I’ve met online that I’ve never seen face-to-face. We talk frequently. I’ve seen pictures. I may have even heard their voice on Skype or a YouTube video. But no hugs or handshakes have ever been exchanged between us. Yet, I’d still miss them if they suddenly disappeared or stopped corresponding with me. So where is that emotion birthed from?

I still ponder this question from time to time. I would never want to live in a world devoid of emotion. Love, Joy, Peace, Fear, Anxiety, Compassion, Sympathy, Anger and Worry are necessary, right? Maybe. But they sure have a way of affecting our actions in ways we may not have thought possible. I’ve long since given up trying to figure out emotions and the seeming disservice they play in our decision making. Regardless of what I think I know, it doesn’t stop me from missing that person. Although the emotions are real, the key is staying in enough control not to ever act foolishly upon them.

 

Categories: RDT, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE NOTE #19: Like Fine Wine


(from the forthcoming book โ€œDove Notes โ€œ)

Like fine wine, some things only get better with time…

I like talking about my wife. Mostly because I’m hopelessly in love with her, and my interactions with her provide ongoing fodder for, among other things, my blog and my book.ย  But I’ve had people ask me, “What do you mean when you say you’re hopelessly in love with her?” Oh, well let me explain…

Being hopelessly in love means that there is no hope for my love for her ever changing.ย  She’s got my heart sewn up and it’s safely tucked away in her care. She and I work very hard to define our relationship as one that gets better as the days go by. We actively pursue peace through honest assessment and vulnerability. She knows the areas where I fall down and helps me get back up again.

We believe that success includes being able to own your mistakes. When you make excuses for something you’ve done, whether or not it was intentional, you rob yourselfย  and your partner of the opportunity to work together to modify future behavior and prevent it from happening again. Accountability also allows you to celebrate your accomplishments together. If I’ve overcome a paralyzing fear of public speaking through her encouragement, support and nudging, it becomes a victory not only for me, but for her as well. Being transparent with someone is not a simple thing to do, but it is possible and the rewards are endless. Better communication. Better understanding of our needs. Better intimacy. The list goes on…

In many relationships, it’s not enough to be intelligent, beautiful, outgoing or talented. Nope. Those things are great. But what matters most of all is personality and character compatibility. See, you can have two relatively nice people who both enjoy music and dancing. But life experience, coupled with how they were raised… whether or not they have siblings… how they get along with their parents… and personal temptations (money, alcohol, attention, etc) can all have an adverse affect. One person’s tendencies can push another person’s buttons.

For example, let’s say a guy grew up in a family that consistently avoided conflict by ignoring the obvious elephant in the room. The girl comes from a family that addresses conflict immediately so that it doesn’t fester and become a bigger problem. Put the two of them together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. While she pushes for communication, he will constantly blow off having an uncomfortable conversation. She feels ignored. He feels pressured. Do they still share the same interests? Sure. Do they find each other attractive? Of course. But unless this issue is dealt with, the relationship becomes unhealthy and eventually unsustainable. It’s another sad case of good people who unfortunately weren’t good together.

It’s all about finding compatibility with someone who is equally committed to creating a healthy relationship. And no, it’s not automatic. It takes time, effort and patience. But the end result is becoming another couple that’s hopelessly in love. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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