Pull Of The Cape

Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to be a HERO.  Not the kind of super hero who foiled the plans of criminal masterminds with my single bound tall building leaps, locomotive power and bullet speed. Not necessarily the kind of hero who safely retrieved POW’s from deep in enemy territory.

No.

I wanted to be a kind of machismo-infused hero, rescuing contemporary “damsels in distress” who, in my limited experience at the age of 16, were so often the victims of relationships gone horribly wrong. The tales I’d hear of betrayal, degradation and distress from some of my female friends angered me, but also filled me with compassion and an overwhelming desire to comfort them in some way.

So it was that I wanted to be that stand-up guy who came along and mended their broken hearts by being to them what other men could or would not. Fulfilling their unrealized expectations. I wanted to fix the traumatized emotions of all the disappointed and disillusioned women I knew.

Ha! As if that were even possible.

As you can probably surmise, this was not at ALL practical or realistic. Still, it took me a long time to realize that, though I had the best of intentions, I simply couldn’t save everyone.

Correction…

I couldn’t save anyone.

Except one.

To that one, I endeavored to define a man who successfully balanced his testosterone-influenced emotions with chivalry, romance and an understanding of authority. I made a silent promise to show her what it meant to be a modern-day hero upon whom she could always rely, trust and rest her confidence. I made a similar promise to my only daughter so that winning her heart would require the power and determination that only a hero possessed.

And yet, even now I will occasionally feel the “pull of the cape” begging to be worn when I talk to my female friends who are miserable and misunderstood. I refrain because I understood a long time ago that trying to be that for more than one woman would actually mean being that for no one. What I mean is that every woman deserves the undivided attention of the man who holds their heart. My divided attention would be both hypocritical and ineffective.

So for those, I simply listen with a sympathetic ear and an encouraging smile. And hope that one day THEIR hero will appear.

Return From Hiatus

I just wanted to let those who read and comment here (the faithful few ;-)) that I have returned from my self-imposed hiatus. This was precipitated by the realization that my life had gotten out of balance. Instead of taking advantage of brief moments throughout the day to stare into the wonder-filled eyes of my beautiful wife, or giving my full attention to my energetic children as they told me stories about their day, I found myself using those moments to think more about the next witty Facebook status update, posting articles to my WordPress, or uploading cute pictures and funny family videos.

Feeling as if there was never enough time in the day, I had none to throw away. Time is precious and I’d rather be putting that time toward more important endeavors. So I took a break to re-examine this balance. And in the end, I’m glad I did. I’m slowly finding the balance I was searching for. Not surprisingly, this discovery and self-imposed hiatus coincided with vacation from my job that started on December 28th and just ended on January 21st. It was a wonderful, amazing time spent just loving my family, reassessing my goals and enjoying life.

So as I make my way back onto the WordPress landscape, I will be backdating a few articles that were written during the break. I look forward to catching up with everyone! 😀

Hero By Design

As my 42-year-old, 30-week-pregnant wife and I were both changing and getting ready for bed, I looked at her and told her that I found her pregnant belly to be radiantly beautiful.

Looking down at her bare stomach, she smiled and said she felt like she’d finally moved into the “glowing belly” phase of this pregnancy. I smiled back and realized just how fortunate we were to be in the home stretch of the birth of our final child.

Then I felt a pang of sorrow. Sorrow for one of our married female friends who, while younger than my wife, has been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for… well, forever it seems. She and her husband are now looking into different fertility treatments. They will try multiple treatment options which, if proven to be unsuccessful, will be the deciding factor for them choosing to pursue adoption instead.

According to the CDC there are 6.7 million women ages 15-44 with an impaired ability to have children and 1.5 million married women ages 15-44 that are infertile. Not only that, but statistics indicate that estimates from embryo biopsy reveal that at least 90% of a woman’s eggs are genetically abnormal when a woman is over 40.

Those statistics alone remind me of the fact that healthy pregnancies and births really are miracles. With so many things that COULD go wrong, it is truly a wonder that any of us were born. Let alone born healthy. And yet, incidents of miscarriage or defect remain in the minority.

Because of this, I am a firm believer that there is no real mystery in pregnancy. Women were created to successfully navigate this miraculous process.  It was by design. Something that I, as a man, will never experience and therefore can never fully understand. That is why my admiration is deep and grand.

And this is also why every time I look at my wife, I see a hero.

PHOTOBLOG: Aaron’s 6th

My wonderfully enthusiastic and brilliant son Aaron turned 6 yesterday. We had a party for him and invited a few of his friends over to celebrate. It was Star Wars themed. Being that he was Luke Skywalker for the event…

this of course meant that I, as his father, was given the role of none other than…

Lord Darth Vader.

So I thought it would be cool to share a few photos from the party. Enjoy!

Luke is ready to face Darth Vader.

What?! He has help from other Jedi padawans!

Darth Vader is defeated by the padawan mob!

Father and son.

Who knew Darth Vader was a family man?

Princess Leia loves her dark father.

The light saber was a bit too much for the young princess.

Family Portrait: Princess Leia, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.

What 7 (Almost 8) Means

My oldest nephew got married the other day. He is a wonderful young man and my wife and I are very close to him.

But we didn’t go to the wedding.

Why?

Because when you have a family as large as mine, there are things you come to expect… like not being invited to certain events.

My father came to us beforehand and said something like, “It’s going to be a really small ceremony and they don’t have a lot of money. So don’t be offended by not being invited.”

We weren’t offended.

Because this was a small ceremony, the reception was at my parent’s house. So it wasn’t an RSVP kind of thing where you let them know how many you’re bringing with you. There is almost an expectation that the entire family would come. It almost becomes a small family reunion whenever something goes on at my parent’s house. What we’ve come to understand is that when people invite our family, they’re inviting SEVEN additional people, not just two. And seven mouths can add a considerable expense to a food budget!

So we try our best to let people know that we are neither upset nor insulted when we don’t get invited to a social gathering. It’s a serious commitment having our family posse show up. lol It’s not that we never get invited to events as a couple. But that comes with its own set of logistics… scheduling, food, babysitters, etc.

One of the great things about having a big family is that everything we do together as a family is an event in itself. Heck, getting out of the house at all is a full-on production! lol We take advantage of every opportunity to create lasting memories as a family that at times feels like a party all on its own. Plus, there are times when we’ll invite others to participate in one of our family events. What’s cool about this approach is that they don’t feel obligated to manage our needs like they might if they were hosting.  Since we’re hosting, we’re responsible for our crew. These are always fun, rewarding and we still get to hang out with the people we love.

Yeah, I’d never change having a big family. I’m perfectly fine with the occasional social snub. Just send me a postcard when it’s over.