Posts Tagged With: love

KNOWING LOVE


This is a picture of my wife at 4 years old.

andrea-at-4

Every time I look at this picture, I smile and think to myself, “I wish I’d known her then. I would’ve been her friend!” Seriously, I would’ve friended her so hard. lol I would’ve rode bikes, made mud pies, endured protracted doll activites, discovered bugs in the yard, and listened to every fantastic tale her young mind could conjure. I would’ve done all of it. Gladly.

I used to lament the fact that I didn’t know her when she was younger. That is, until I understood something very important…

She is still that little girl.

That 4-year-old little girl lives inside of her. And every time she shares with me stories of her childhood, or introduces me to cousins she used to visit in the summer, or I sit and watch while she reminisces over faded, old photos of Canadian farmland, I learn more about her 4-year-old self… and her 13-year-old self… and any other year-old versions of her that I may not have witnessed firsthand. And I fall in love with each and every one of them.

Because they are all still there.

As I picture this beautifully blonde, rambunctiously creative, spirited little girl, I realize that I love and have loved… all of her, throughout time. It is impossible to separate the woman she is, from the girl she was. They are one and the same.

So I no longer wish I’d known her at 4-years-old, because… I do. I know her as a preteen in the school performance at Play Mountain Place. I know her as the high school graduate who set off on her first year at UC Santa Cruz. I know her as the coed who took a summer trip to a lake house with friends. And I know her as the woman who bought her first house in Pasadena. I know… HER.

Instead, I now wish that I will continue to know her until she’s 104-years-old. Because I can’t imagine a more amazing gift than over a century of knowing and loving someone like her.

Happy Valentines Day, my love. ❤

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Categories: marriage, personal, relationships, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Strong Resolve


I only have one new year’s resolution… to cultivate healthy relationships.

We are relational by nature and we do ourselves a disservice to think “likes” “hearts” or “follows” will ever replace conversation and spending time with one another. So in 2014, the priority is making sure my family and friends know they are loved demonstratively.

embrace_ii_1

Categories: personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Just an observation…


Most of us, if not all, would agree that we can demonstrate the existence of love even though it is intangible in and of itself. Our relationships reflect it. Our behavior is motivated by it. Certain types of love even have financial implications. But it cannot be held in your hands, bought from a store or traded on the stock exchange.

Yet, we know it exists.

Nevertheless, we cannot accurately measure love’s depths or variations by any benchmark or standard of behavior established by mankind. For we have seen both the most beautiful and horrendous things occur in its name. There is no way to anticipate its affect from one person to the next. Nor does everyone define or describe it the same.

Yet, we know it exists.

Some people embrace it. Others fear it. But we never question its functionality or how deeply embedded it has become in our everyday lives. We accept that it is because of the preponderance of evidence that supports it. And when I think about all of these things, I come back to the same simple conclusion…

God is.

Categories: personal, religion | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Gentleman’s Curse?


There’s an old adage (or aphorism? I never get those right) that goes “nice guys finish last”. It’s the belief that being nice is a terrible liability when it comes to things like romance or business. We’re told that girls prefer bad boys over gentleman. Or that in order to have any success in business, you have to be aggressive and shark-like with a “take no prisoners” attitude.

Crazy thing is, for most of my life I believed that statement to be a load of crap. And by “crap” I mean “an often repeated untruth that slowly becomes accepted as truth simply by the sheer volume of people who choose restate and quote it as fact”. But come on, there couldn’t possibly be any drawbacks to being considerate and full of compassion, right?

Wrong.

Like I said (only a short two paragraphs ago), there was a time I believed that to be true. That is, until I better understood the reasoning and truth that underlies this oft-quoted saying. Which is to say that I watched as the truth of it manifest in my own life. I finally understood that there was more substance to this than I originally thought. Having been a participant (victim?) of this truth, I have since dubbed the phenomenon the “Gentleman’s Curse”. Let me explain…

I’m pretty sure I’m what some would call a gentleman. There are at least a handful (read: 2 or 3) who could attest to the fact that I am patient, generous, transparent, chivalrous, and emotionally supportive. These are all traits generally associated with being an overall “nice guy”, if you will. **DISCLAIMER: I don’t describe myself this way simply to toot my own horn, but to provide the basis for what follows next. What follows next is that I’ve come to whole-heartedly believe that sometimes (and only sometimes) being nice was the worst choice I could have made. My “nice guy” nature has contributed to some pretty awful outcomes and circumstances over my lifetime. I know that sounds terrible. But as I’ve also learned over the years, the truth isn’t always pretty.mr nice guy

See, the thing is, it’s not that I can really help being a “nice guy”. It’s in my nature to be this way. My overall personality, typical responses and individual inclinations are hard wired into the fiber of my being. The problem is that some people can often be perceived (and at times, accurately so) as a bit of a softy or even a pushover. People take advantage of the fact that they know you probably won’t behave in ways that would make them feel awkward, uncomfortable or afraid.

Still, I don’t want this post to come across as all “bah humbug” about being nice. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be nice or even that I need to change who I am. I’m saying that I am exactly who God created me to be. I am fashioned by His hands and He is a master craftsman! I am neither a mistake, nor am I a failed or aborted process. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And with that understanding and acceptance, comes freedom to not feel pressured to be anything other than who I am.

I am NOT the one to rail on Time Warner Cable over their gouging practices (6 month undisclosed customer retention pricing that tripled in cost and won’t go down unless I call and complain). However, I AM the one who understands that as I love my enemies, bless them that curse me, do good to them that hate me, and pray for them which despitefully use me, and persecute me, God will bring both vindication and justice. I find rest in that promise.

Potters-ClaySo I will continue in my “nice guy” ways with the power of the knowledge that what I originally thought was a curse, was actually… a blessing. 🙂

Categories: commentary, personal, religion, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Join The Rebellion


Sometimes when I’m uploading pictures or typing out a conversation I’ve had with someone in my family, I wonder if people think I’m being pushy or overdoing it by constantly posting about my wife and kids and how much I love them. I wonder if maybe I should reduce the frequency of my shared observations so as not to put people off.

And then…Join The Rebellion (smaller)

I watch the news where it seems a majority (if not all) of the content is focused on domestic and community violence, betrayal and corruption, political posturing to the detriment of citizens, sexual exploitation of celebrities and children, public humiliation of people in relationships gone bad, and Sports.

And then…

I notice TV shows that are supposedly geared toward children but include gratuitous hyper-realized violence, subtle sexual undertones, or is simply a platform for blatant product promotion.

And then…

I look around at the adjunct education we may or may not be aware that our children are receiving at school: how to obtain drugs and alcohol while still underage, how to be (or at least appear) sexually active without your parents finding out, the pros and cons of bullying, and what it means to aspire to popularity at any cost.

And then…

I go to work and witness firsthand the long-term, sometimes irreparable effects of neglect and trauma on men, women and children… emotional repression, developmental delays, self-medication and isolation.

But…

That’s when I realize that in spite of my endless stream of Instagram photos, flirtatious banter with my wife, or anything else I may share with my friends, family and the world… I could never match the sheer volume of negative elements that come together to form a fortified barrier against unified families and healthy relationships.

But…

That’s when I realize that, while I may not be able make any significant dents alone, there CAN be success and strength if others join in and celebrate their passionate marriages, delightfully entertaining children and rewarding occupations. So join the rebellion and help me flood the world with stories of LOVE, VICTORY, and the pursuit of HEALTH.

Categories: commentary, opinion, personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

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