Posts Tagged With: siblings

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You don’t know me.

And I don’t know you. I mean, not really.

You may know the things that I choose to reveal about myself. It’s usually the best parts of me (though I’ve been known to be quite transparent with the not-so-best parts of me as well) that I share. But if someone were to ask you to tell them about me, you really wouldn’t be able to rattle off much more than what I’ve listed in my profile. Sure, you could browse my blog or stalk my Facebook account, and maybe make a few guesses about what my taste in music or movies must say about me. But they would only be guesses. And more often than not, you’d be wrong.

For the longest time I’ve been rather careful about getting to know people and allowing them to get to know me. See, I have a history that includes a pretty severe wounding of the heart. So I’m not very keen on putting myself out there in a way that might reopen that wound. Unfortunately, my passions run deep and I tend to be, what one friend calls “emotionally progressive”. Rare in men, so I’m told. Among other things, this means that my heart can become vulnerable to the inconsiderate actions of others if I make an effort to get to know them. I’ve done that with very few people over the years. It amazes me how the pursuit of friendship can be liberating on one end, and weaponized on the other.

Interpersonal relationships should come with a standard label that states, “WARNING: Result may vary.”

Some of these people have become like siblings. Some of them are like my kids. And some of them are… well, something altogether different. But all of them have had an impact on me to varying degrees. My affections are at times painfully genuine. Sometimes to my own detriment. So I’ve learned to protect my heart a little bit more fiercely than I did before. It’s not that I don’t want people to know me, but sometimes I’m not entirely convinced I can afford to allow them.

I’m not a fan of heartache, confusion or misunderstandings. To avoid such calamity, it would make more sense to just keep everyone at arm’s length. It’s sad to me because many people I’ve met are deeply intriguing and I’d love to discover more about them. But this has brought me to the dispirited conclusion that the further away from them I stay, the less likely I am to get hurt if/when they implode.

I don’t know what bevy of circumstances has made them the way they are. They could’ve grown up in abject poverty, or could be the spoiled product of wealthy hands-off parents, raised by a bilingual nanny. They could be a recent parolee from a botched extortion attempt, or an as-yet-to-be-captured professional con artist. They could literally live across the street, or across the ocean. My point is that I won’t know them all that well, and they won’t know me. Unfortunately, past experiences have a tendency to make people gun shy. So I may never know them the way that I wish I could.

Hmm… I don’t even know what the point was of this post. Venting? Purging? Meh. That’s all I’ve got for today.

Categories: opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Help Wanted


You know, it continues to amazing me how much your childhood affects you as an adult. The person you become is a sum of all the experiences you’ve had and people you encountered.

I grew up in a large extended family. At one time there were 14 people living in our house. .. aunts, cousins, friends of friends, you name it. I’ve seen my parents extend a helping hand to just about any and everybody. So I’ve grown up with the same mindset when it comes to family and helping others. I’d do just about anything for my siblings (legal and non-life threatening, that is).

But in contrast, I know someone who grew up alone, raised by their mother. It shocked me how they had no real sense of family or any desire to help others unless it benefitted them in some way. It’s so bad that they don’t even expect help from other people. They even feel that if someone were to lend them a helping hand that somehow they’re imposing and burdening them unreasonably.

That type of mentality is so foreign to me. If my sibling needs help and I’m able, I help them. Even if it seems unfair to some people, it doesn’t matter… they’re family. Bottom line. And if someone offers to help me, and I KNOW that I need the help, I wouldn’t let my pride cause me to turn it down.

Isn’t that one of the reasons we’re here… to help one another?

Categories: commentary, family, personal, relationships, stories | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

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