How many times have you felt undervalued by someone whose opinion matters to you?
How often are your actions dictated by the outcome you secretly hope for, but are not confident you’ll receive?
How many times must someone suffer disappointment before disappointment becomes their default expectation?
These and many questions like them have plagued me over the years. Why? Because when all is said and done, I want to be important in someone’s life. Whether they be relatives, coworkers and friends. No, I’m not saying I want to be better than anyone. I just want to stand out amongst those they consider close. I don’t want to be lumped in with a nondescript group of “writers”, “singers”, “bloggers”, or “men”. I want something very specific to cross their minds when they think of me. Something that sets me apart from the rest. In a good way, of course.
I can’t possibly be the only one who feels this way, can I?
Interpersonal relationships can be strange at times. I mean, underneath all of life’s chaos, I believe we simply desire true connection with other people. Even though we realize that many of these connections will vary in degrees of trust and intimacy. There will be some people you will have to keep at arm’s length. There will be others whom you will be able to trust implicitly.
Hopefully, we develop connections with people who desire the same type of relationship, and are willing to put forth an equal measure of effort. Because there’s something inherently draining about being on the short end of a non-reciprocating relationship. This has caused me to become somewhat apprehensive with people as I’ve gotten older. There is an underlying worry… maybe fear of rejection, fear of incompatibility, or the emotional (and physical) exhaustion of being an introvert who pours themselves out to depletion.
I think that’s part of the reason why I write, and specifically, blog.
It’s probably also one of the reasons it usually takes me a long time to get to know someone outside of seeing them at church, or through the words they send in an email or post on a blog, or even by the pictures I might observe in an album.
I have embraced caution. Perhaps too tightly, however.
Still, people are fascinating in the sense that they often bring a completely different personality to our interactions, or a heretofore unknown perspective on our world. Even so, I understand that these types of relationships are vital. And in the same way that I desire to be important, I’m learning that there are many who likewise desire to be no less important to me.
And so, in spite of myself, I’m stepping out. (deep breath) 🙂 I encourage you to do the same. 😉