Posts Tagged With: emotions

Hero Origins


Every hero has an origin story. Likewise, every person has a back story. You know, the details of their life that predates when you met them. The back story is an intricate weaving of life experiences, social environments, family dynamics and emotional woundings that initiate a predetermined response to certain situations. What I find interesting is that sometimes we tend to enter situations unconsciously assuming none of those things exist in others.

  • We may not realize a friend was bullied in middle school before telling a joke about kids teasing other kids.
  • We may not understand why someone is sensitive to large crowds after being lost at an amusement park for 6 hours when they were 7 years old.
  • We may even think it’s okay to drag a friend out into the ocean, laughing while ignoring their pleads and animated protesting, never asking if perhaps they nearly drowned a few years ago during a similar incident.

What makes things worse is when the ignorant and uninformed take umbrage at a person’s reaction without bothering to investigate their hypersensitivity. Sometimes we just need to exercise some restraint and compassion and perhaps get to the bottom of a matter. Perhaps then we might discover interactions that promote healing instead of hurt. Words that encourage instead of instigate. Perhaps we won’t find ourselves being unintentionally offensive.

Personally, I love hearing the back story. It gives me greater insight into a person and helps me appreciate them all the more. Who knows? It could be YOUR superhero origin. What’s your back story?

Categories: relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Familiar Fiends


I suffer the company of these aged emotions
decrepit familiar fiends who were once close friends
I invite them back for retellings of the same stories
that become increasingly harder to endure
at the Table of Wishes that will never come true.

I fight the logic of asking them to leave
against the illusion of my better judgment
which they drain from me daily
fully knowing the time will inevitably come
when their folly will trump my sensibility.

My heart feels ransacked by their sharp words
leaving the remnants to rattle like dice in the hands of a gambler
tiny fissures form in my willingness to stay silent
opening my thoughts to counter-productive actions
and through these holes my sorrow seeps through.

There is no end to the stories they tell
even though the dénouement has yet to be written
existing as a cliffhanger taken to an author’s grave
while still I hold on to a fading hope
preserved and prepared as an enticement for their next visit.

They vanish with a grumble of their final piercing words
without so much as a cursory glance in my direction
and no evident concern for my growing estrangement
because they know with certainty
that I will call upon their company once again.

By Myxl Dove
©2020 Mythic Elf Publishing

Categories: poetry, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Static Intersections


Ever have one of those conversations where it seems like the more you try to explain, the more confusing it gets?

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“See, you’re not hearing me.”

“I never even said that!”

“Wait, let me start over.”

You know, there comes a time when you realize and have to accept that your explanation only serves to further frustrate the person to whom you’re talking. For the most part, I try to avoid those moments whenever possible. The good news is that my wife and I are usually very good communicators. We talk A LOT. And that truly helps mitigate any potential misunderstandings. The bad news is that even under the best circumstances, confusion will sometimes still manage to creep in unaware and I have to step back, see it for what it is, and just laugh.  See, I’ve realized that I have to make a very serious decision once a discussion arrives at the intersection of confusion and frustration.

Doh! Life would be so much easier with a hovercar.

At this point, I find that it’s better to re-evaluate the wisdom of pushing ahead and risking hurt feelings or anger. Besides, the love I have for my wife outweighs any selfish need to win a debate. In those moments I ask myself a simple question: Why?

Why am I doing this?

What exactly am I trying to prove?

Emotions can sometimes cloud the thought process. So I have to first understand and be clear about the purpose of what I’m saying, for myself. Once I determine why I’m having a particular discussion, it becomes a whole lot easier to convey my point without emotional distraction. Meaning, I cease trying to hammer my wife down with my perspective or somehow convince her I’m right by aggression or volume. I can put my ego and pride aside and either diffuse the situation or let it go altogether.

This works for online conversations as well. Just sayin’… 😉 

Categories: marriage, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Ask Me How I Am


Here’s a confession… there is one question, above all other questions, that I despise most in this world. That question is, “How are you?”.

Know why?

Because people who ask this question usually fall into one of two categories:

1) They are people who don’t really care AT ALL how I’m doing. They simply ask because it’s their default introductory question. The social hurdle they must clear before getting to what they REALLY want to talk about, or the first in a series of questions they’d like to ask.

2) They are people who probably really want to know how I’m doing, but would prefer the abridged version because they just don’t have the time necessary to sit and hear me go into detail about the context and content of my complex emotional state.

And I hate it.

I hate fumbling about in a vain attempt to answer that irksome question to the satisfaction of either of these two kinds of people.

I hate it because I’m NOT that guy. I mean, I am A guy. But I’m not THAT guy… the one who will tell you how I am, when it’s obvious you don’t really care to know. I’m not interested in summarizing the content of my head and heart just to satisfy your short attention span, or relieve you of any residual heaviness the truth of “how I am” might bring you.

That might be someone else’s M.O., but it’s not mine.

My life is full.

It’s busy and it’s complicated and it’s hectic and it’s thriving and it’s awesome and it’s overwhelming and it’s gratifying and it’s exhausting… and it’s beautiful.

These are not things so easily consolidated into a brief prepared statement that creates no lingering emotional maze for you to navigate. If you dare climb aboard the roller coaster that is my life, you must be prepared for all the dips, turns and loops that come with it.

The kicker is that to a degree, I kind of get it. I mean, most men are not very expressive or in touch with their feelings. Unfortunately for some, I am both. I mean, I completely understand the terse kind of responses a “how are you?” would typically elicit. I’m just wired differently.

If you REALLY want to know how I am, at least give me the courtesy of stifling your look of impatience and apathy. Realize that there are times when I desperately NEED to tell someone how I am. I need to unload some of these mental and emotional weights. We all do at some point. If for no other reason that to position ourselves to start shouldering the next crate of life events arriving daily… non-stop… whether or not you’re prepared for them.

In that regard, I am no different.

So when I ask you, “How are you?”, just know that I genuinely want to know. I’m ready to ride that convoluted roller coaster you call life.

My question is… are YOU?

Categories: opinion, personal | Tags: , , , , , | 7 Comments

Random Dove Thought: Virtual Loss


I was talking to a friend the other day about how human emotions can be so completely unpredictable and surprising. We react to situations, circumstances and people based on what we hope for, desire or even secretly covet in our hearts. What strikes me as odd is the fact that we have these “real” emotions for things that we shouldn’t really have any attachment to. This thought process begged the question:

How can you miss something that you never had?

I’ve never been a millionaire. Maybe it’ll happen one day. But I can’t very well say that I miss being wealthy when I’ve never had excess discretionary funds. And I won’t go around griping about the crap that I can’t buy because it’s too expensive. But I still feel the emotion of wanting more or feeling like it’s a memory of a season that has passed. Where does that come from?? I don’t know. But it’s not the only scenario. There are people I’ve met online that I’ve never seen face-to-face. We talk frequently. I’ve seen pictures. I may have even heard their voice on Skype or a YouTube video. But no hugs or handshakes have ever been exchanged between us. Yet, I’d still miss them if they suddenly disappeared or stopped corresponding with me. So where is that emotion birthed from?

I still ponder this question from time to time. I would never want to live in a world devoid of emotion. Love, Joy, Peace, Fear, Anxiety, Compassion, Sympathy, Anger and Worry are necessary, right? Maybe. But they sure have a way of affecting our actions in ways we may not have thought possible. I’ve long since given up trying to figure out emotions and the seeming disservice they play in our decision making. Regardless of what I think I know, it doesn’t stop me from missing that person. Although the emotions are real, the key is staying in enough control not to ever act foolishly upon them.

 

Categories: RDT, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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