Posts Tagged With: spouse

LIFE LESSON #223 – Letting Go

When it comes to any type of relationship – be it friend, family or potential spouse – it is a complete waste of your valuable time to chase after people who are actively running away from you. Let them go.

Instead of lamenting those who don’t return your calls, keep cancelling on you, won’t respond to your emails and text messages, devalue your feelings and constantly imply that other things, places and people are more important, recognize those who are running toward you, those who acknowledge with appreciation, your value in their lives. These are the people on to which we hold.

Know your worth… ❤

know your worth

Categories: opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , | 10 Comments

Keeping It Clean

retro headshot bw

Serious Riis Is Serious

I’m not an old man, but I’m not a young man anymore either. Hmm… I’m “just right”. I’m in the stage of my life where I’m young enough to pull off the occasional outrageous stunt (and I have), but old enough to know better (yeah, won’t do that again). I believe that for most people, with age comes wisdom. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years…

  1. Whenever you leave the house, dress as if you’re about to meet the person who will be critical to advancing your career. Because eventually, the day will come when you will. No, it doesn’t mean you wear a suit everyday. Especially if you’re a musician. It just means don’t go outside looking like you never made it passed the curb after you left the rave party last night. These things are usually not planned, and it’s better to be ready.
  2. Wash your butt. There is absolutely NO REASON for you EVER to think, “I don’t need to wash my butt today.” Yes. You do. EVERY DAY. For real. Wash your butt!
  3. If you’re married, brag about your spouse to other people. Tell others what you find awesome about them. Do it often. It will prevent you from dwelling on the things that irritate you, and will instead remind you why marrying this person was the one of the best decisions you ever made. Over time, we can sometimes forget.
  4. If you have children, don’t forget to call your mom (or dad) every so often and tell her you love her. For you, it’s the realization and acknowledgment of the challenge they may have endured raising you. For them, they’ll know that you finally, FINALLY get it!
  5. Don’t let procrastination become a routine behavior. It’s like an invisible drug and one of the hardest habits to break. Plus, there’s no rehab clinic for it.
  6. Unless you have a tapeworm, there will come a point in your life when you won’t be able to get away with eating whatever you want. All that pizza, those hot dogs and those $2 fish tacos will all come back to bite you in your (clean) butt. It’s better to start making a habit of eating what’s best for you now, so that you can continue to do so later.
  7. Never take your family and friends for granted. Enjoy them as much as you can with the time you’re given.
  8. Don’t let your decision of whether or not to have kids be effected by finances. There is no “base price” for children. Every child is different and you’ll never know beforehand what your child’s needs might be or the cost associated with them.
  9. As a parent, never, ever withhold your affection from your children. It is one of the most critical love lessons they will ever learn. How they treat others is most often a direct result of how you treated them.
  10. Don’t be afraid to tell someone “no”. You avoid unnecessary stress, resentment and you gain respect from those who now understand the value of when you say “yes”.

Take those for what they may be worth to you. I guarantee these to be 100% true and effective or so says my Magic 8-Ball.

Categories: humor, opinion, personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

DOVE NOTE #95: The Look Of Love

For those looking for a stable, long-term relationship (LTR), there’s something very, VERY important that you need to know, understand and accept about LTRs: No One Stays The Same.

Now don’t laugh and shrug this off. Sure, you may think that this is nothing new and that you were already aware of this fact. But I’m not talking about changes like people growing in maturity (or immaturity in some cases) or having your taste in clothes or music change over time. No. What I’m referring to is the all-too-real truth that as you get older, your appearance will inevitably change. This WILL happen no matter how many creams you apply or workouts per week you manage to fit in. The fact remains that you will never look like you did at 18 when you’re 40, and neither will your spouse.

Now this is not to say that either of you will look bad necessarily. I’m pretty sure there are lots of people who become more attractive as they get older. All I’m saying is that when it comes to lasting love, don’t base your inward commitment on outward appearances.

You or your spouse may gain weight, lose hair or even develop liver spots. But when you endeavor to remember all the wonderful qualities that make them the most important person in your life, you’ll grow to appreciate those changes and the years of love and adventure that accompany them.

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

DOVE NOTE #37: Are You Commit-Able?

There are many people who adamantly believe that most, if not all, marriages are destined to fail and will end in divorce. I don’t agree. I believe that in many cases, divorce is simply a byproduct of the failings of the people involved. Allow me to explain…

From an informal survey, these are just some of the reasons I’ve been told why people get married (as opposed to people who just choose to live together).

  1. Financial Security: Among other things, a combined income increases your ability to purchase a home. Some want to enjoy the spoils of being married to someone wealthy.
  2. Fear: Some people are afraid of being alone.
  3. Low Self-Esteem: Many settle for less than they actually deserve because they honestly don’t believe they deserve or could ever get someone better.
  4. Children: Along comes an unplanned pregnancy and some think marriage is the answer.
  5. Love: Real love. Not infatuation, obsession or lust.

One glaring omission from this list is what I believe to be one of the most important reasons of all to get married: COMMITMENT.

First of all, falling in love is a CHOICE in the same way that you make a DECISION to get married. What I’ve observed as the seed of destruction for many marriages is they’ve somehow failed to understand the real meaning of commitment and how it applies to being married.

When you agree to commit yourself to someone else for the rest of your life, it means you are bound and obligated to work together on making the marriage successful (obviously, there are exceptions for instances of abuse or infidelity). There is no giving up. It’s not about growing tired of someone. It’s not about holding on to The Ewwies (unspoken expectations) and then complaining to others about those expectations not being met. It’s all about two people who’ve agreed to communicate honestly about what does or does not work, what makes them feel loved, what makes them feel rejected and rehearsing all of the reasons life is better together.

A recent study contends: “When [people get] married, they don’t [do so] for long love. If they [start to believe] love and family [no longer] offer them happiness and safety, they choose to divorce. They [no longer] think about the family or the children because they [hold] themselves as the center. That means they love freedom [over] stability.”

I’ll leave you with my Bulleted Personal Observations:

  • Work out any major issues before you get married. Marriage will inevitably amplify existing problems
  • Discuss finances, religion and how you’ll raise your kids BEFORE-hand as well
  • You can never say “I Love You” too much
  • Figure out his/her love language and work to express your feelings toward them in that way
  • Use the Upward Spiral Method. The more you love your spouse, the more they love you back and the more you want to love on them, etc, etc
  • It’s okay to disagree or get upset. An argument does not imply imminent disaster.
Categories: Dove Note, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

DOVE NOTE #53: Distances

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

Now I’ll be the first to say that having your own personal time/space or whatever you call it, when in a relationship is essential. Whether it be a Moms Night Out or a Guys Poker Night, these only tend to be brief stints of individuality (and sadly few and far between).  Is anything wrong with wanting/having this space? Absolutely not. It’s actually healthy to have ongoing scheduled times when you’re not joined at the hip with your partner. However, there will be times in most marriages (or any relationship, for that matter) when you’ll spend an extended period of time apart from the person you love. It could be due to a business trip that will last a few days, or perhaps you’re traveling solo for a family event like a wedding, birthday or funeral, or it could even be something as simple as volunteering to chaperone your kid’s camping trip or church retreat. Whatever the case may be, the result is being away from your significant other for days at a time.

Now I’m sure most people have heard the old adage “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Well, I want to turn that saying on its head! Distance, in and of itself, will NOT necessarily make the heart grow fonder. When people make this statement, they really should add a disclaimer that says “Only if certain conditions are met.” Because the truth is that being away from someone doesn’t make them miss you if you ignore them, it only serves to make them angry. 😉 Okay, okay… what am I getting at? It’s simple. You have a better chance of the heart growing fonder if you’re proactive about planning for the time you’re away. Here are just a few suggestions…

1.    You can leave brief love notes around the house or anywhere your S.O. will find them periodically while you’re gone. They don’t have to be long. Just something like leaving a note on her pillow that says, “You’ll be in my dreams tonight.” Or another note on the dashboard of her car that says, “At this very moment, I’m imagining myself sitting next to you, holding your hand.” You can call it corny if you like, but this simple deed will speak volumes about your love for her because of the obvious forethought that went into the planning and writing.

2.    You could have one (or more) of your S.O.’s favorite items delivered to the house by a family member or mutual friend while you’re away. And it doesn’t have to be expensive. For example, if she likes chocolate and books, have her mother stop by the first day with Hershey’s Kisses (or Godiva if you roll like that) and say, “He wanted me to make sure you had something sweet.” Then on the second day, have her best friend drop off a book she’s been dying to read with a bookmark made from a picture of you two. And so on and so forth…

3.    Plan phone dates ahead of time, letting her know when you’re going to call or Skype each night you’re apart. It’ll be something to look forward to and it lets her know that regardless of where you are, she’s still the most important person in your life. Never forget that simple consideration goes a L O N G way in maintaining the spark in a relationship. 😉

While these are just a few suggestions, there are many ways to show your ongoing love and devotion to someone when you can’t be face to face. This can be especially important for those with spouses in the military who can be deployed for months at a time. In the grand scheme of things, this type of preparation is a relatively small effort to put forth to ensure that your S.O. never feels undervalued or forgotten when you’re apart… and when you really love someone, isn’t it worth it? 🙂

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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