Posts Tagged With: broken

BROKEN


Ughhhhhhh!!!!!! 😩

My heart hurts. My mind is full of anger, confusion, and worry. I want to CRY and SCREAM and RUN and FIGHT… and hide, all at the same time. As I told someone else, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to engage with people right now. So there will be no debate here. You either hear me, or you don’t. But that’s up to you. What I know is that I have been unable to sleep, and in my time of reflection, there have been myriad thoughts swirling around in my mind. Up until now, I have not spoken freely. But this must change.

And so, I will no longer remain silent.

To say that we reside in a nation divided, would be an understatement. It hinges upon readily observed and documented injustice, along with a perceived hopelessness, perpetuated by the repeated occurrences of mistrust, brutality, prejudice, and discrimination that I fear have now come to define the character of our country, to its citizens as well as the rest of the world.

These attributes have been affixed to the very nature of who we are as a population, brought about by the actions of those who have been appointed, and thereby obligated, to be the benevolent and compassionate custodians of liberty, safety, and justice for all.

But somewhere along the way, the vision was lost, or perhaps it was intentionally discarded.

We have become a nation in which the pursuit of wealth and success comes at the cost of compassion and consideration of others. We are teaching our children that it is socially acceptable to be selfish and obtain their definition of happiness by any means necessary. And in so doing, I fear we have developed a culture that prizes possessions over principle, money over morality, and status over solidarity. In a country whose very name embodies cohesion and promotes collaboration, The United States of America, we now seem to encourage divisiveness and egocentric aspirations.

We have been broken.
Broken promises.
Broken relationships.
Broken trust.
Brokenhearted.

I’m not sure how much more my heart and mind can endure. I used to think that civil dialogue could help heal the wounds between us. But in this current civilization, civility is not always possible. I learned a long time ago that people motived by feelings, who take action before considering the consequences of those actions, are NOT interested in talking. They are only interested in purging their emotions by any means necessary. There is no reasoning with them.

But I’m tired.

Tired of being the black man who is all too conscious of the fact that wearing glasses makes me appear less threatening. Tired of being the one who some people point to as the example of a “good black person” (wth is that anyway??). Tired of being the father who is constantly updating the Minority Rules of Social Engagement, and reinforcing them to his fives sons and one daughter, as a contingency against the very real possibility that their lives could one day depend on them.

I am a black man in America. And to some, that means I am a life without value. Disposable.

But my life has value as much as any other human being. And I will do everything lawfully within my power to uphold that right and recognize that value, in myself and others.

As I sit here in tears, I’m thinking about how I used to avoid making such precise statements about my feelings for fear of people misunderstanding me, unfriending me or taking offense. But I will say this without reservation, your approval of me will never be worth more than the welfare and well-being of my family. I’m committed to finding solutions and taking action. But I will not sit idly by while the world descends into chaos.

If I lose friends over this… ask yourself, were we really friends?

Categories: commentary, current events, opinion, personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Me. Human.


Which is to say…

  • I’m an irreparable tangle of contradicting actions that are both doggedly determined and laughably frail.
  • I’m one who often skates close to the hypocrisy of sound advice given, but personally unheeded.
  • I’m sometimes altruistic as a means of pacifying the self-righteous, legalistic martyr inside that would love nothing more than to indict me on multiple charges of being egocentric.
  • I’m just as broken as everyone else, with the most inane excuse for my occasional lack of consideration being that sometimes I’m just… tired.
Categories: personal, stories | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s Real


I used to wonder why people run to the scene of a car accident, or overload web search servers when the latest celebrity photo scandal breaks. But then I realized that it has more to do with the fact that we are drawn to situations that are outside of those to which we are accustomed. Car accidents happen, but they don’t happen to most people everyday. There’s a good portion of the population that are foolish, but 99% of us are not people in the public eye who decide to take naked pictures for our boy/girlfriend-of-the-week only to feign disgust when they sells them to TMZ.

Perfection should never be the goal.

What’s my point? My point is that what should be a simple 1 + 1 = 2 thought process is not computing for the masses. If our collective attention really is drawn to what is uncommon, atypical or rare (1), and people have long since mourned the demise of healthy marriages (+ 1), then why are some people uninterested (or so quick to dismiss) the discussion or promotion of successful relationship? (= 2).  We still focus on the relational train wrecks, the adulterous politicians, the bed-hopping socialites, and staged “reality” drama in the form of The Bachelor(ette)’s bevy of eligible (and some emotionally broken) men and women. Maybe it’s just a form of entertainment for people? A necessary distraction?

This is one of the reasons I purposely post stories about my marriage and my kids, because I believe that exposure to positive relationships has been completely overshadowed by recurring themes of hurt, fear, hopelessness, betrayal and despair. I do realize that we’ve all had bad experiences. Maybe it has to do with the old adage that misery loves company. Or perhaps people have such low expectations that they buy in to the belief that relationships are destined to fail.

In the past I’ve gotten private messages accusing me of making up the stories about my wife and kids. I’m like, really?? It blows me away. Honestly, I wouldn’t have the attention span to dedicate the necessary time to such an elaborate hoax. I barely manage to balance time to write here, work and invest in my family. A full time gig x3 for sure.

That being said, I am a huge proponent of promoting healthy relationships and will always encourage questions and responses on this topic. I don’t think we can have enough of them. I can’t speak for anyone else here, but I’m all about being real. REAL stories about REAL people experiencing REAL success.

As most of us have probably heard before, what you see is here is DEFINITELY what you get.

No life filters here.

Categories: opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

This Last Year


It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on this blog. Mostly it’s been because my life has been a series of peculiar events.

The sad part is that, in the past these peculiar events were the very reason I became a blogger in the first place. The only thing is I felt like I had to always explain everything which made the process of ACTUALLY blogging drawn out and quite tedious.

But the good part is that I’ve committed to blogging again. Not in the way I used to… creating posts that would either entertain or provoke deep thought. But as a way to chronicle the changes that are taking place in my life. The type of change that over the next 5 years will feel and look quite dramatic.

My wife and I have shifted our focus. And this new direction will affect the rest of our lives. So my blog posts will probably be a lot shorter. But I’ll be sure to include pertinent info. Feel free to join me on the journey. 🙂

That being said…

Tonight was a pivotal moment in that my wife and I met with The Rockets who really provided us with some clarity and encouragement. I will be starting a temp job in the morning at RAND Corporation. I’ll give more details about that later. But as it would happen, I broke my glasses tonight… the night before I start a new job. Awesome! 😛

w/The Rockets

Categories: family, personal | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Forever Fortune


As a parent of small children (and big ones too), I’ve come to acknowledge and accept the slap-in-the-face fact that there are many things (many… many things) in my house that will be broken. Not “could” be broken, but “will” be broken. (Tangent: Prompting the creation of this Instagram account: Things My Kids Broke). Surely other parents will understand and sympathize (preferably with truffles and cream pies. Message me for an address 😉 ).

This realization caused me to really reflect on what I consider to be wealthy. It doesn’t exist as an expression of material things. They will come and go. But rather, those relationships can last a lifetime. Starting with my children… they are a treasure beyond price. My forever fortune.

LegoLand

 

Categories: family, relationships | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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