I was talking to a friend about this topic (if you’ve read me for any length of time, you’ll discover that I often start posts with this phrase… what can I say, I talk to friends a lot ;-)), which comes up every so often, and decided to share this post about it….
DISCLAIMER: I am an insanely happily married man. So let me state up front that I do NOT advocate the abuse of flirting, such that it results in crushing someone’s feelings, leading people on, or infidelity.
Is it an art form? Yes, I believe that it can be… when done correctly. But like any potential work of art, if the tools are in the wrong hands, it can result in chaos… and just because you possess the tools, doesn’t necessarily mean than you can effectively use them. Flirting, as art, is usually referred to as Seduction, but for the sake of this post, I’ll stick with Flirting. With that said, you’re probably wondering, “What is he gettin’ at??”
It’s simple… I was a shameless flirt for years. I say shameless because its something that I thoroughly enjoyed and had no qualms about. Some women have called me a tease… some have even said that I’m trouble (while smiling, mind you)… others just found it to be a mildly entertaining distraction… but whatever your opinion may be, when executed correctly, the results can be amazing.
The reality is that flirting is a game that we all play everyday… with our friends… with our family… with our coworkers and even complete strangers. We do it for different reasons… but to be good at flirting you have to first determine your goal, whether it be to win someone’s affection… to influence a person’s
decision… to gain an advantage… or simply for the challenge itself.
I must admit that I’ve done it for many , if not all of these reasons at one time or another. But one of my main reasons is simply because to me… there was nothing more wonderful than the smile of a beautiful woman. I sought it… and that, in itself, was reward enough for me. But I digress…
Now how does one go about becoming a successful flirt, or what one would call a “Flirt Artiste”? There are some basic requirements:
- Confidence: Confidence is key in maintaining a persons’ interest. It is not the opposite of shy, as some would think. You can be confident and shy at the same time, but we’ll discuss that later. Now there’s a fine line between confidence and vain cockiness. It’s up to you to find the balance. Plus, there is no one formula that works on every person… which brings me to the next requirement…
- Ability To Read People: You must be able to tell what actions would be most affective with different personality types (and believe me, there are many). If you think all people are the same… you’re dead in the water (dare I say “clueless”) and you probably can’t relate to anything I’m saying. Knowing where a person’s interest lies will help you determine the best approach. Now you might think that it’s hard to assess someone with a momentary glance. But the more you try it, the better and more accurate you become.
- Sense Of Humor: This is a MUST HAVE. If you have no sense of humor, you basically have no chance. It is a proven fact that humor creates a level of comfort, which is why professional orators often open with a joke. A sense of humor can open the heart of the most emotionally guarded of people. It is what gets you in the door, over the wall, or access to the inner circle. Even if your sense of humor is a bit morbid, it can still be used effectively.
Those are just 3, but the list could go on and on. The bottom line is that you have to be self-assured of your ability before you even attempt to flirt. You have to know who YOU are before you venture out into the world of Flirting. There are several different flirt types. And although all of them can achieve the same level of success, you have to know which type you are.
Some people have an innate ability to flirt well, and I call those “Naturalists“. I don’t know many Naturalists, but when two of them get together?!? Buy tickets… ’cause it’ll be one heck of a show! For a Naturalist, it just happens. They exude sensuality, but not in an explicit manner. Yet, you’ll find yourself drawn to them without really knowing why…
Another flirt type is the “Revealer“. These are people who will tell you up front that they flirt, and in doing so, will seduce you with subtlety. Some people find a Revealer’s honesty to be intriguing and are influenced by their up-front nature. The victim perceives a challenge in being able to resist a Revealer, thinking it easy because of the Revealer’s blatant attitude. But they don’t realize that when they take an “I won’t be fooled” posture, this actually opens them up to the very thing they are trying to avoid, and they wind up seeking the Revealer’s exclusive attention. Back in the day, I was one of these Revealers. I flirted because I was rather good at it, and I enjoyed it, but I never mislead. But even when people were told directly, they perceived whatever they wanted, no matter what I said. Such is the excitement, and the risk, of Flirting.
Part II to come. But in the meantime…