Posts Tagged With: movie

The Inconvenience of Marriage


My wife and I like to cuddle up at home and indulge in the occasional Rom-Com after the kids have gone to bed. We did this Saturday night with a movie I won’t name because I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, even indirectly. Anyway, like most Rom-Coms of late, I found the depiction of two married couples to be more than a bit offensive.

Why?

Because of how they decided to portray the families, and in particular, each couple. One of the couples had two kids (ages 4 and a newborn). The wife was constantly yelling and cursing at the husband, while the husband acted like a crass, apathetic fool with no understanding of social etiquette. Their 4-year-old was literally running around the room screaming like he was tripped out on drugs and the baby was somewhere off in the distance, crying and inconsolable.

The second couple had a baby that looked to be about 8 or 9 months old. They were insulting each other at every opportunity and it was more than obvious that resentment had built up in each of them to the point that they just didn’t care anymore if they hurt each others feelings in public.

Now, I’m sure there are couples that behave this way. That’s not what was offensive. What was offensive was the fact that they used these couples to illustrate what it meant to be married with kids as if this was the standard makeup of today’s family. It was the writer’s commentary on the torture of parenting and how it ruins otherwise good relationship, and was used in direct contrast to a couple of their single friends who watched these two couples implode and decided that it was better to have kids without the “inconvenience of marriage”.

This was the foundation of the movie plot!

I had to pause the movie to voice my frustration at what has become an oft-used plot device of making marriage and parenting seem like punishment for falling in love. I couldn’t understand why destructive, unhealthy marriages have proliferated among what are supposed to be ROMANTIC COMEDIES. I saw nothing romantic or funny about this.

My wife, the kind soul that she is, took my hand and attempted to soothe my frustration by explaining to me that the underlying message is that marriages are for more likely to succeed when the two people involved are best friends and not just lovers.

I accepted this explanation, albeit grumpily. I still think it’s in poor taste to bash marriage and parenting. As if we don’t have enough of that POV regularly reinforced by tabloids and other “reality” media. :-/

/rant

Categories: commentary, family, marriage, opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Avery & The Troubling Tribbles


Avery & The Troubling Tribbles

Yes… I’m a Trekkie. As will be all of my children. lol

Categories: relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

DOVE NOTE #35: Connections


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

In a very real sense, most of us have a tendency to let life’s circumstances keep us from doing the things we Want To Do (WTD), because we’re so busy doing the things we Need To Do (NTD). The most obvious NTD’s include acquiring life necessities like food, clothing and shelter. But NTD’s can also include hefty responsibilities at work, obligations with family, school or church, or even ongoing extra-curricular activities like coaching or playing on a sports team. At times, the NTD’s can become so demanding that we feel prisoner to them. We find ourselves trapped, suffering through an exhausting schedule that will inevitably cause our relationships to suffer.

WTD’s are those things we place on our list of priorities that are primarily add-ons… things that we won’t even number without feeling guilty. These include going out with friends, sleeping in on a workday, or working on a hobby. Unfortunately, some NTD’s can have such a vigorous appetite for time that other NTD’s are demoted to WTD’s. You have to be very mindful of this subtle transition because some NTD’s are vitally important. One of the most critical NTD’s is connecting…

“You should NEVER underestimate the value of connecting with the person you love on a consistent basis.” I will say this over and over again until it registers to the very core of your being, because this is one of the basic principles that successful relationships are based upon.

What is “connecting”?

Connecting means to set aside time to spend with the person you love that is uninterrupted and without distraction. It usually takes the form of a date. But with intrusive NTD’s, dates can become a stressful exercise in multi-tasking (dinner, movie, etc) where you try to fit a hundred things into an hour or two, and wind up detracting from the quality of the experience. Genuine connecting can be as simple as sitting and talking for hours. It has to be time that doesn’t feel rushed, fueled by a desire to be with this person that isn’t contrived.

I’ve found that one of the worst case scenarios of an all-consuming NTD’s is when two people have become so overtaken by their schedules that they grow apart. In this situation, NTD’s have been allowed to create a distance between them that not only separates them physically but has now separated their hearts. Unchecked, this can lead to resentment, frustration, depression, guilt and anger. All of which can sound the death knell for an otherwise vibrant relationship.

After realizing the possible consequences, taking (yes, taking) the time to connect with my wife has become my priority NTD.

Categories: Dove Note, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Limitations of Teasing


My captivating wife and I finally fell asleep in the wee hours one Sunday morning several months ago. This was after an impromptu trip down memory lane that last for hours after watching, of all things, the movie “Couples Retreat“. I won’t get into the movie plot in case you ever decide to see it, but suffice it to say that it made us very thankful for the kind of marriage we have, and deeply appreciative of one another.

When the movie ended, we started recounting the many things that led up to our initial friendship and eventual falling in love. It was interesting to compare the different perspectives of how certain events unfolded. For instance, she remembers the first song I wrote for her called “Happy” (I may upload it one day) that freaked her out because although it wasn’t a love song, she was certain that it was the closest thing to it. I, on the other hand, saw the song simply as my expression of how important she’d become in my life. I certainly loved her. But was I in love with her at that point? Who’s to say. In retrospect, I was definitely blurring the lines with that song. The heart can have a mind of it’s own at times.

Anyway, one of the most interesting things that we both noted was the drastic change that took place regarding playful teasing once our relationship changed from “friendly” to “romantic“. See, we were best friends in every since of the word. We were in a band together, hung out writing music, talked on the phone for hours, and shared opinions on everything from office supplies to long lost loves. As friends, we would take playful jabs at one another. It was the kind of verbal sparring that’s harmless in nature, but is usually good for a laugh in group settings. Such as the time we were rehearsing with the band and someone commented on the fact that I kept yawning. I jokingly said something like, “Well I wouldn’t be so tired if Dre hadn’t keep me on the phone til 4am.” 🙂  With all of the teasing, many people thought that we were crushing on each other. But nothing could’ve been farther from the truth. We were just close friends with no romantic interests whatsoever.

However, as time passed and we crossed a line in our relationship, the teasing came to a screeching halt. I think I made a passing joke about something to do with what she was wearing and everybody laughed. She came up to me later and told me that she didn’t want me to do that anymore.

 

I was surprised since we’d been teasing each other for years. So I asked her why she didn’t want me to joke around like that any more. And she said, with an honesty that hit me right in the heart, “Because before, the things you would say wouldn’t affect me. Now, everything you say matters.” Looking into the eyes of this beautiful woman who owned my heart, I melted… and never cracked a joke at her expense ever again.

Now this isn’t to say that we don’t have fun and joke on occasion, but I understand that my responsibility is to always present my wife in the best light. It’s a reflection of her value and importance to me. I realized that making fun of her, even jokingly, could come across as disrespectful. It might also give people the impression that they have license to do the same. And it’s never okay for anyone to make fun of my wife… most importantly me.

 

I think some people go overboard with making fun of their SO’s to the point of degrading them and traumatically affecting their self-esteem.

What do you think?
Is it okay to tease someone you love?
Or is it their responsibility to tell you to stop if they don’t like it?

Categories: marriage, personal, relationships, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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