Posts Tagged With: desire

Seeds and Desire


I’ve had the privilege of knowing some awesome women, who over the years have given me an earful of priceless information from the female perspective.  Some of them are in great relationships, while others are still searching for one. Still others are enduring a bad relationship simply for the sake of being able to say they’re in one.

One thing that I find interesting is that in all of these cases, to be loved was of the highest priority.  I don’t mean sexually (it’s sad, but without that disclaimer some people would assume as much).  It seems that from childhood women will often seek affirmation through “expressions” of love.  Whether it be gifts, or letters, or time spent together…

…the underlying desire is to be loved.

What seeds were planted in your childhood?

Material things aside, many of the women I know have said that they would be very happy knowing that someone thinks they are the most wonderful, most beautiful woman in the world.  However, this love needs to be demonstrative, without any ulterior motives.  They want to feel needed and special.  They want to be a priority in someone’s life.

Some of the women I know have even said that any rebellion exhibited as teenagers had more to do with their feelings of being unwanted, unaccepted, and made to feel unattractive, more so than just wanting to get into trouble.  I was told that if someone had loved them, the way they needed to be loved… they would have most likely become very different people.

I recognize the effects on women who grew up without a father, or whose mothers were inattentive.  Some of them have dealt with it. Others are still struggling to come to terms with their childhood.  Unfortunately, this can deeply affect their current relationships with both men and women.  Some of my female friends have confided in me that it seems hard to find a good man, mostly because they tend to run at the first indication that any man possesses characteristics similar to their absentee fathers or estranged mothers.  Friends who exhibit these traits are unceremoniously dismissed as well.

Honestly, I think both men and women truly want to be loved, though we may act otherwise.  Men are just more prone to hide this fact than women.

WOMEN: What has been your experience, if any, with your childhood affecting your desire to be loved, and the way you receive love?

MEN: What things have made you reluctant, if at all, to communicate your desire to be loved? 

Categories: commentary, intimacy, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Confessions of a Bibliophile


I’ve talked about my love of books several times in previous posts on my blog. So I don’t think it’s any secret that I have a tendency to devour them any chance I get. Lately, I’ve grown quite fond of audiobooks as well. With a life as full as mine (with work, church and 5 children), it becomes increasingly difficult to find a chunk of uninterrupted time to dedicate to actually reading a tangible book. My solution of late? I’ve been resorting to audiobooks that accompany my commute to and from work each day. It has been a wonderful supplement to my voracious appetite for good fiction. It allows me the convenience of exploring new worlds and environments without forfeiting quality time with my family or shirking other responsibilities. What I’m finding out most recently is that I am often influenced by the book’s content in my everyday life.

For instance, I was reading (well, listening to)The Last Survivors” aka “Moon Crash” trilogy by the wonderfully talented author Susan Beth Pfeffer and after getting halfway through the first book, I went home and had a lengthy discussion with my wife and kids about having an emergency preparedness kit, and then deciding on an action plan for reuniting if a catastrophic disaster should ever befall us and we’re all in different places.

Anyway, I am now listening to/reading (and hold your judgements please ;-)) the Fifty Shades trilogy of books. While some of the subject matter (and let’s be honest, quality of writing) is questionable, I am finding myself a little more cognizant of certain influences when it comes to intimacy, communication and being forthright about my desires and expectations. My wife does not mind the additional tools I’ve acquired through this process :-P. For me, reading books can be both entertaining and somewhat of a treasure hunt, where elements of the story can be applied in real life.

Now, I’m a mature man who is completely capable of gleaning the best parts of a story for practical use and leaving the dross safely tucked away between the pages. But it did make me wonder if other people are influenced in this same way. It also made me realize the importance of certain literature being reserved for those who are mature enough to handle its content. I guess this is similar to the potential influence of video games and violent movies on young children. Certainly some things are best appreciated for their entertainment value when we get older. But as a bibliophile, I look forward to the treasure hunt in the next book I listen to or read.

Any suggestions? 😉

Categories: personal, stories, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Women Are From…


Captain’s Log 041220.A

I took a trip to Venus recently. It’s a planet that can easily draw you in and hold you prisoner to its pleasantries. During this particular surface excursion, I was greeted by one of the loveliest Venusians you’d ever want to see.  She wore a beautiful sheer, long-flowing, multicolored gown that shimmered whenever she moved because of the gold flecks sewn along her sleeves and collar.  She appeared to float toward me, as her feet were hidden beneath the layers of puffy cloth that settled lightly upon the ground around her.

She smiled and spoke to me in a subtle Venusian dialect I’d only recently begun to study and could barely understand.  I was immediately captivated by her soft spoken demeanor.  Her voice was just above a whisper and her lips would slowly curl into a smile whenever she paused between sentences.  She had me mesmerized.  My resistance was shattered.  Had she asked me to bite off my fingers, I would’ve done it without a second though.

This particular Venusian was from the Delta region.  I could tell because they tend to speak with such verbosity that they can talk all day and never say the same thing twice.  This also means that they can convey the same point 15 different ways.  Because of this, I immediately ran into problems when I tried to express my most heartfelt appreciation for her hospitality using only a few words. This is commonplace to most Martians.  Unfortunately, this foreign concept caused her to mistake my simplicity for an insult.  That one blunder cost me most of the morning, well into the afternoon…

I could see it on her face.  She just could not fathom how I could simply offer her a mere Thank you very much.”??  Did she not greet me properly??  Is she unworthy of a lengthy explanation of how I am most gracious for her unselfish demonstration of warmth in welcoming me to her homeworld??  Does she not warrant the type of dialog that would befit someone of her stature and status in society because her gown had only 4 colors, not 6, her complexion a bit pale and her butt rounder than most?

It wasn’t until 9 hours later that I realized her diatribe was merely a means to engage me in a more fulfilling conversation for her.  When all was said and done, she took a deep breath, kissed me with a smile and floated away.  She’d been satiated.  I, however, was more confused than ever as I hobbled back to my ship feeling completely drained. Yet, I knew I’d be back because I couldn’t shake the desire. I wanted more… more time to explore, more understanding of her world, and most importantly, more of her.

An Exercise In Allegory
by Myxl Dove
© 2012 Browel Publishing

Categories: prose, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE NOTE #63: The Magic Pill


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

Now this may be controversial, but I’m going to make the bold assertion that there are very few things more damaging to long term relationships than unspoken expectations (I call them The Ewwies as in, “The U.E’s”). These Ewwies come about when communication is relegated to an afterthought instead of a priority in the relationship.

So what could be worse, you ask?

Well, “worse” would be people erroneously assuming these unspoken expectations will somehow miraculously be met once they get married.  It’s almost as if they believe marriage is some Magic Pill that will communicate all of their hidden desires and make all of their relationship issues go away. Unfortunately, it’s a recipe for disaster if there ever was one.

Just recently a friend told me that he’ll be getting married in six weeks. I’m sure he noticed my facial expression, which was an unmistakable combination of shock and concern mixed with that pain stricken face you make when you swallow something hard. I quickly caught myself and smiled. Although it certainly seems kind of rushed to me, I do realize it’s different for everyone. I mean, I’m all for marrying when the time is right. But to avoid the Ewwies I think it’s critical that some basic expectations are covered before walking down the aisle. So I just encouraged him to make sure he’s tackled some of the big topics with his soon-to-be wife, like:

  1. Children (how many, if at all)
  2. Child Rearing (spanking/discipline, education, and nutrition)
  3. Finances (separate or joint accounts, who pays what)
  4. Religion (Protestant, Jewish, Agnostic, Wiccan, Catholic?)

Disagreements in any of these critical areas can often become deal-breakers in a relationship. And failing to address them before marriage only serves to exacerbate the agony of the Ewwies. In the end, I’ve found that some of the best marriages are the ones with strong foundations built on effective communication… and successful avoidance of the Ewwies. 😉

Categories: Dove Note, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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