Posts Tagged With: house

DOVE NOTE #74 – A Host Of A Chance


If you ever find that your house/apartment/shack/shoebox has been selected to host any type of social event – whether it be a friend’s birthday party, graduation dinner or movie screening for 20 Twihard teenagers – there are a few things you should know about proper hosting etiquette. And no, I don’t mean knowing how to tri-fold a napkin or failing to appreciate proper table settings. I’m talking about more critical things… like how to make sure your wife feels appreciated, and most importantly, like she’s not the only one responsible for pulling it all together.

First of all, understand that this is a place where you live TOGETHER and as such, preparation should originate from a place of collective pride in the home. If you both (and your children, if you have any) contribute to its “lived-in” look, then you both (including said children that may or may not exist) should contribute to the initial cleaning, setup and presentation.

Secondly, be aware of the order of events. This means, discuss what is going to take place and when, and who’s responsible for each part BEFORE your guests arrive: What times does it start? What time does it end? Who’s being honored/celebrated and why? Who’s been invited? Who couldn’t make it? What kind of food is being served? As the host, you should know the answers.  Plus, the last thing you should want (and your stressed wife needs) is for someone to come up and ask you a simple question that you should know, but don’t. What’s even worse is you looking happily befuddled while redirecting people to your wife for answers.

And lastly, when it’s all said and done… and the final inebriated guest has been shoved into a cab or a sobbing teenager has been carried away by a “Team Jacob!” mob driving a symbolic hybrid SUV, do NOT ask if your wife needs help cleaning up while you scoop the last bit of guacamole from the serving bowl. It’s like asking someone if you should call the fire department while their house goes up in flames.

JUST.

START.

CLEANING.

Contrary to popular belief, while mom may be the interior designer of the home, she does not want to be the taskmaster. She shouldn’t have to ask for your help. It’s everyone’s responsibility to put the house back in order. Doing so not only communicates to your wife that she isn’t the default janitorial staff of the house, it also lets her know that you (and those rambunctious children you created) desire and appreciate a clean house just as much as she does. 😉

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Categories: Dove Note, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Slow Down!


Is it just me, or don’t most people prefer to get to know someone over time? I mean, if you meet someone for the first time and you’re starting a relationship (dating or otherwise), isn’t part of the fun discovering new things about him or her as time passes?

Let’s try a scenario… Say I’m goin’ on a date with this girl… I’ll call her Bizzarabeth (Beth for short).
Okay, so Beth and I head out on our date… when I first met her at a mutual friend’s birthday party, everyone was calling her Beth so I call her Beth. On our way to dinner we make idle chatter and she mentions that her actual given name is Bizzarabeth. After successfully masking my initial shock with a throat-clearing cough, I tell her my name is Myxllence Doviticus. She does a double-take to see if I’m joking and then laughs in disbelief. I tell her I was kidding, but now the ice is broken and we’ve both loosened up. Now see, THAT kind of info is cool…no problem… no real big horror stories or traumatic life experiences.

Now let’s try another scenario…
I go to pick up Bizzarabeth from her house. I ring the doorbell and she invites me in while she gets her coat. Several people are sitting around watching TV in the den so she escorts me into the room to introduce me to everyone.

“Everyone, this is Myxl Dove” she smiles and begins to point as we move around the room.

“Myxl… that’s my father on the couch with the amputated leg… he’s a war veteran. My mom is the one sitting next to him nursing the oxygen tank.” Then she whispers, “She’s got emphysema cause she smokes so much!” I arch a brow and remain silent.

“That’s my brother. Ugh! …the 16 year old jail bird!” she says with disgust. “He’s a part-time crack dealer too.” She looks at me with earnest eyes, “If you get a chance maybe you can talk some sense into him?” She smiles and continues to lead me around the room. I force a smile, but my mind is sufficiently blown at this point.

“Over there is my baby sister.” She points at what appears to be a 4 year-old zombie in a playpen near the kitchen. “She’s blind in one eye cause my mom drank heavily during the pregnancy. Oh! That reminds me! How long will we be out?? I’m wondering if we can stop by the pharmacy to pick up my dad’s Viagra prescription before it closes?”

At this point I would most likely provide any outlandish excuse to get out of there as soon as possible. It’s not so much that her family has issues, most families do. The concern is that you don’t drop all this heavy info on someone you’ve just met. I’d rather find out about your dysfunctional family after I’ve built a strong foundation of friendship and/or love for you. You should never be anxious when cultivating a relationship… allow it to grow in it’s own time. Some people you automatically feel like you’ve known forever… some people you feel as if you’ll never know…

Categories: humor, opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

DOVE NOTE #56: Get Out Of Bed


As much as we try to deny the excitement and pervasiveness of sex in modern society, it continues to be the elephant in the room. There are hundreds of reasons why this is the case and I won’t go into any of them here. But sex is often viewed as a taboo topic, generally speaking. But this Note isn’t about my displeasure with a prudish mentality. Instead, I’m going to speak freely about something that has been proven to add variety and spice to many a sex life (this is obviously for those who actually have a sex life or are anticipating having a sex life at some point in the future). It’s the concept of “Sex Without Sheets”. No, I’m not talking about stripping your bed and having sex on the mattress or box spring. I’m talking about moving OUT of the bedroom entirely.

As a man in a very happy marriage, I have to be mindful of how easily we can become content with the same old intimacy routine. Especially with the additional challenge of actually finding time for intimacy when we have several small children. You might assume that under such circumstances we would be happy to take whatever they can get. Surprisingly, this is not the case. We don’t just want anything simply to say we had it. Even after years of marriage and multiple children, sex should always be something we look forward to starting rather than something for which we can’t wait to end. No bueno. 😦

So we’ve made it a point to explore other rooms of the house (or your property, if you got it like that ). The living room, patio, kitchen, backyard, bathroom or even the garage can have an extraordinary affect on the pleasure of the act itself. A change of scenery can rekindle the passion of the moment in a way that simply changing position can’t always achieve. For instance, making love in front of the fireplace in a mountain of blankets… there’s something amazing about the sight of glistening skin in the flicker of firelight. On those cold winter nights you’ll fluctuate between the cool of the night air and the warmth radiating from the fireplace (and the bodies). It’s a feast for the senses.

So when your routine sex life begins to get stale, do what we did… get out of bed!

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, personal, relationships, Series, sexuality, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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