Think about this… to a fish, water is the “air” it breathes. So as far as it’s concerned, it’s flying.
I am a writer.
I mean, I drink coffee and I like books. I literally eat them! No, wait… not literally. I just read… a lot. Oh, and I write funny posts about my kids, marriage, and life in general on my BLOG.
Okay, let me start over.
I am a writer who is one finished, first edition, brutally edited and picked apart, inaugural book away from becoming a legitimized – and hopefully successful – author.
I literally have far too many stories to tell (okay, that one really IS literal). They are my written descendants. Stories that will perpetuate my unique form of social observation, my penchant for exhaustive familial commentary and (verbosity… STOP).
I embrace the challenge of bringing forth these personal works of endurance. These pillars of perseverance that demonstrate once and for all that raising 6 children and working a 9 to 5 job, while suffering from occasional sleep deprivation… will never circumvent fate! *cue Chariots of Fire music*
And so I invite you to help me give birth to the first of my literary progeny! You can do so by contributing to my GoFundMe campaign. Here’s the link: http://www.gofundme.com/authorbirth.
Dove Notes (tentative title) is my precocious child. Full of casual wit, personal observations, and the common experience of navigating interpersonal relationships. It is a collection of 100 curated anecdotes that will make you laugh, make you think, and provide you with the reassurance that you are not the only person in the world who is confused by life’s inconsistencies.
As with any serious endeavor, there are costs involved. Your donation will help cover the following:
$4,000 – the cost of a 15″ MacBook Pro that will be used almost exclusively for the purpose of writing and completing this book. And sometimes for playing music, to which my entire family will dance wildly.
$45 – the cost of Scrivener 2, a powerful content-generation tool for writers. I’ve sampled this program and it is an amazing piece of software tailored for writers.
$3,200 – the cost to obtain a Lulu.com Artful Self-Publishing Service Package that includes copyright registration, global distribution, ISBN assignment, editorial review, professional book design, an author website, Library of Congress Control Number, and various promotional materials.
$3,800 – will ensure the initial printing of 100 6×9 Casewrap Hardcover Books.
PRICELESS – my wife has graciously agreed to help me identify and set aside regulary scheduled, uninterrupted time to write.
Any amount will help. Just $5 puts me that much closer to the goal. With your support and encouragement, I WILL succeed.
From the bottom of my joyful heart,
I’ve realized over the years that many people prioritize their friendship in two very distinct ways.
They have friends who become a priority for the things they do. They are mostly seasonal. Temporary. Prone to spoil. They last for as long as their unique action or mere presence is meeting a particular need. They are a convenience. Once they cease to be useful, they are discarded. For instance, some people become friends because they work together for the same company at the same location and can spend most of their time together… but only at work. As soon as either one of them is promoted, transferred or finds another job, all of a sudden maintaining that connection doesn’t seem as important or necessary. It was seasonal and the season has passed. Like a summer romance.
Then there are those people who become a priority friendship simply because of who they are. These are the people who are kept around because they push you to improve or encourage you toward success. They offer you hope in pursuit of your goals. They can be mentors, counselors or people who share a life experience. They are usually permanent fixtures. You talk on the phone, connect through email, IM and text messages. You invite them to parties and celebrate milestones together. They are, for all intents and purposes, here to stay.
Sometimes the difficulty with establishing friendships is knowing into which category you fall. One of the worst feelings is finding out you were temporary when all along you thought you were permanent. I don’t think anyone ever wants to feel as if their friendship is disposable. But the reality is that as deep as you think the well of connection may run, the other person may consider your friendship as shallow as a rain puddle. Temporary in the worst way. I’ve become very careful to quickly identify my position in someone’s life. When you know where you fall on the friendship list, it’s easier to deal with the inevitable conclusion.
I think the ambiguity of this process is exacerbated when it comes to online friendships. You put yourself out there and try to show yourself friendly in hopes of making a real connection. But some people can not reconcile the black box nature of technology and the internet with the fact that there are real people with real emotions at a particular IP address. They’ve convinced themselves that these people only exist online and when they sign off, they’re essentially on pause until they return. Like a relationship DVR.
Some try desperately to find ways to circumvent the devaluation of their humanity with attempts to email, talk on the phone or meet offline. They want the other person to acknowledge their humanity. Affirm their worth. They hope that by these actions they might win them a coveted spot on the permanent friends list. And they turn a blind eye to the signs of the other person’s changing season.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how human emotions can be so completely unpredictable and surprising. We react to situations, circumstances and people based on what we hope for, desire or even secretly covet in our hearts. What strikes me as odd is the fact that we have these “real” emotions for things that we shouldn’t really have any attachment to. This thought process begged the question:
How can you miss something that you never had?
I’ve never been a millionaire. Maybe it’ll happen one day. But I can’t very well say that I miss being wealthy when I’ve never had excess discretionary funds. And I won’t go around griping about the crap that I can’t buy because it’s too expensive. But I still feel the emotion of wanting more or feeling like it’s a memory of a season that has passed. Where does that come from?? I don’t know. But it’s not the only scenario. There are people I’ve met online that I’ve never seen face-to-face. We talk frequently. I’ve seen pictures. I may have even heard their voice on Skype or a YouTube video. But no hugs or handshakes have ever been exchanged between us. Yet, I’d still miss them if they suddenly disappeared or stopped corresponding with me. So where is that emotion birthed from?
I still ponder this question from time to time. I would never want to live in a world devoid of emotion. Love, Joy, Peace, Fear, Anxiety, Compassion, Sympathy, Anger and Worry are necessary, right? Maybe. But they sure have a way of affecting our actions in ways we may not have thought possible. I’ve long since given up trying to figure out emotions and the seeming disservice they play in our decision making. Regardless of what I think I know, it doesn’t stop me from missing that person. Although the emotions are real, the key is staying in enough control not to ever act foolishly upon them.
Okay men, raise your hand (or simply nod in sullen agreement) if you’ve even had one of those days where you and your wife have been eying each other up all day. Flirty text messages flying back and forth. Leaving little notes around the house full of cryptic innuendo. Wearing her favorite fragrance. Having brief conversations on the phone full of titillating descriptives. All of this in anticipation of getting intimately skinected to one another later. And then…
You ask a brainless question about her choice of clothing, or make a sideways statement about weight whose context is misconstrued, or simply fail to see, remember or do something rather important and BAM! You’ve killed the mood and sex is abruptly OFF the table… for the evening, possible for the week depending on the severity of the crime. Of course, you feel blindsided and you have no idea how you went from the Playboy Penthouse to the Devil’s Dog House. 😦
If this sounds familiar, just know that you’re not alone. There are many men who have inadvertently murdered an otherwise amorous mood. I call these moments instances of “Sudden Libido Disruption“. Sometimes the SLD is so great, the rift now between you so wide, that there is usually little chance of recovery, if any.
So how do you avoid the relational faux pas that result in SLD? Well you have to start of by understanding what has taken place. As I’ve mentioned earlier, for many women intimacy is tied inextricably to the heart and mind. This is why it’s important to keep the focus on the two of you throughout the day. Those breathy phone calls and sexting go a long way to filling her thoughts with being together. A major barrier to arousal is anything that would cause her to become distracted or preoccupied. So you don’t want to introduce any topic, situation or circumstance that might hijack her mind. Mindjackers can manifest in the form of frustrating circumstances (ugh… you didn’t take the garbage out like you promised and now there are ants all over the kitchen!) or financial discussions (wait, I thought YOU were going to pay the gas bill?) or even comments that prompt “futurisms” (sigh.. I just have to lose this last 15 pounds before Christmas). It doesn’t even have to be that she’s necessarily mad at you, but the result is the same: SLD.
The bottom line is this… be mindful of what you say and be sensitive to where she’s at emotionally. You won’t lose with healthy doses of encouragement, attention and good ol’ fashioned romance.