Dove Note

Birth Of An Author


I am a writer.

I mean, I drink coffee and I like books. I literally eat them! No, wait… not literally. I just read… a lot. Oh, and I write funny posts about my kids, marriage, and life in general on my BLOG.

Okay, let me start over.

I am a writer who is one finished, first edition, brutally edited and picked apart, inaugural book away from becoming a legitimized – and hopefully successful – author.

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(and expert coffee drinker)

I literally have far too many stories to tell (okay, that one really IS literal). They are my written descendants. Stories that will perpetuate my unique form of social observation, my penchant for exhaustive familial commentary and (verbosity… STOP).

I embrace the challenge of bringing forth these personal works of endurance. These pillars of perseverance that demonstrate once and for all that raising 6 children and working a 9 to 5 job, while suffering from occasional sleep deprivation… will never circumvent fate! *cue Chariots of Fire music*

And so I invite you to help me give birth to the first of my literary progeny! You can do so by contributing to my GoFundMe campaign. Here’s the link: http://www.gofundme.com/authorbirth.

Dove Notes (tentative title) is my precocious child. Full of casual wit, personal observations, and the common experience of navigating interpersonal relationships. It is a collection of 100 curated anecdotes that will make you laugh, make you think, and provide you with the reassurance that you are not the only person in the world who is confused by life’s inconsistencies.

As with any serious endeavor, there are costs involved. Your donation will help cover the following:

$4,000 – the cost of a 15″ MacBook Pro that will be used almost exclusively for the purpose of writing and completing this book. And sometimes for playing music, to which my entire family will dance wildly.

$45 – the cost of Scrivener 2, a powerful content-generation tool for writers. I’ve sampled this program and it is an amazing piece of software tailored for writers.

$3,200 – the cost to obtain a Lulu.com Artful Self-Publishing Service Package that includes copyright registration, global distribution, ISBN assignment, editorial review, professional book design, an author website, Library of Congress Control Number, and various promotional materials.

$3,800 – will ensure the initial printing of 100 6×9 Casewrap Hardcover Books.

PRICELESS – my wife has graciously agreed to help me identify and set aside regulary scheduled, uninterrupted time to write.

Any amount will help. Just $5 puts me that much closer to the goal. With your support and encouragement, I WILL succeed.

From the bottom of my joyful heart,

Myxl Dove

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DOVE NOTE #67 – Murder of the Mood


Okay men, raise your hand (or simply nod in sullen agreement) if you’ve even had one of those days where you and your wife have been eying each other up all day. Flirty text messages flying back and forth.  Leaving little notes around the house full of cryptic innuendo. Wearing her favorite fragrance. Having brief conversations on the phone full of titillating descriptives. All of this in anticipation of getting intimately skinected to one another later. And then…

You ask a brainless question about her choice of clothing, or make a sideways statement about weight whose context is misconstrued, or simply fail to see, remember or do something rather important and BAM! You’ve killed the mood and sex is abruptly OFF the table… for the evening, possible for the week depending on the severity of the crime. Of course, you feel blindsided and you have no idea how you went from the Playboy Penthouse to the Devil’s Dog House. 😦

If this sounds familiar, just know that you’re not alone. There are many men who have inadvertently murdered an otherwise amorous mood. I call these moments instances of “Sudden Libido Disruption“. Sometimes the SLD is so great, the rift now between you so wide, that there is usually little chance of recovery, if any.

So how do you avoid the relational faux pas that result in SLD? Well you have to start of by understanding what has taken place. As I’ve mentioned earlier, for many women intimacy is tied inextricably to the heart and mind. This is why it’s important to keep the focus on the two of you throughout the day. Those breathy phone calls and sexting go a long way to filling her thoughts with being together. A major barrier to arousal is anything that would cause her to become distracted or preoccupied. So you don’t want to introduce any topic, situation or circumstance that might hijack her mind. Mindjackers can manifest in the form of frustrating circumstances (ugh… you didn’t take the garbage out like you promised and now there are ants all over the kitchen!) or financial discussions (wait, I thought YOU were going to pay the gas bill?) or even comments that prompt “futurisms(sigh.. I just have to lose this last 15 pounds before Christmas). It doesn’t even have to be that she’s necessarily mad at you, but the result is the same: SLD.

The bottom line is this… be mindful of what you say and be sensitive to where she’s at emotionally. You won’t lose with healthy doses of encouragement, attention and good ol’ fashioned romance.

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

DOVE NOTE #72: A Crying Shame


I was talking to this friend of mine about another gender issue: CRYING. She says it’s good to cry… to let out your emo…blah blah blah. My contention was that no matter what anyone says… what any magazine prints… what any newscast implies… Men Who Cry Are Considered Weak.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s wrong for men to cry. We just do it privately… and for very VERY different reasons. Women can cry for more reasons than there are days of the year… empathy, joy, pain, love, excitement, hatred, anticipation, sex, bitterness, Oprah, and the discontinuation of their favorite brand of panty hose. But (most) men? We only cry publicly for two reasons… we’re dying… or you’re dying. Other than that, we don’t (or won’t rather) cry in front of another person.

The general consensus (I worked for them one summer as an intern at the FEDD Female Emotional Deciphering Department ;-)) is that crying has always been considered a sign of weakness in men… and an expression of, well…  femininity in women. A woman’s tears can influence, calm, incite and confuse… and they’ve proven to be most effective on men. But soon as a tear streaks down a guys face without an amputated limb? (even then, it’s questionable :-P) he’s labeled as a softy.

Granted, some women might like soft men, but I’ve heard the saying “A hard man is good to find” (or maybe that was a sexual reference? *shrug*) Anyway, don’t feel bad if I don’t boohoo with you over the series finale of Desperate Housewives. I’m just a man (and I mean that in a good way, mind you). 😉

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DOVE NOTE #19: Like Fine Wine


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes “)

Like fine wine, some things only get better with time…

I like talking about my wife. Mostly because I’m hopelessly in love with her, and my interactions with her provide ongoing fodder for, among other things, my blog and my book.  But I’ve had people ask me, “What do you mean when you say you’re hopelessly in love with her?” Oh, well let me explain…

Being hopelessly in love means that there is no hope for my love for her ever changing.  She’s got my heart sewn up and it’s safely tucked away in her care. She and I work very hard to define our relationship as one that gets better as the days go by. We actively pursue peace through honest assessment and vulnerability. She knows the areas where I fall down and helps me get back up again.

We believe that success includes being able to own your mistakes. When you make excuses for something you’ve done, whether or not it was intentional, you rob yourself  and your partner of the opportunity to work together to modify future behavior and prevent it from happening again. Accountability also allows you to celebrate your accomplishments together. If I’ve overcome a paralyzing fear of public speaking through her encouragement, support and nudging, it becomes a victory not only for me, but for her as well. Being transparent with someone is not a simple thing to do, but it is possible and the rewards are endless. Better communication. Better understanding of our needs. Better intimacy. The list goes on…

In many relationships, it’s not enough to be intelligent, beautiful, outgoing or talented. Nope. Those things are great. But what matters most of all is personality and character compatibility. See, you can have two relatively nice people who both enjoy music and dancing. But life experience, coupled with how they were raised… whether or not they have siblings… how they get along with their parents… and personal temptations (money, alcohol, attention, etc) can all have an adverse affect. One person’s tendencies can push another person’s buttons.

For example, let’s say a guy grew up in a family that consistently avoided conflict by ignoring the obvious elephant in the room. The girl comes from a family that addresses conflict immediately so that it doesn’t fester and become a bigger problem. Put the two of them together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. While she pushes for communication, he will constantly blow off having an uncomfortable conversation. She feels ignored. He feels pressured. Do they still share the same interests? Sure. Do they find each other attractive? Of course. But unless this issue is dealt with, the relationship becomes unhealthy and eventually unsustainable. It’s another sad case of good people who unfortunately weren’t good together.

It’s all about finding compatibility with someone who is equally committed to creating a healthy relationship. And no, it’s not automatic. It takes time, effort and patience. But the end result is becoming another couple that’s hopelessly in love. 😉

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE NOTE #9: Perspective


You know… perspective is a fascinating thing.  It can affect your entire outlook on life.  While at the place I worked previously, I would often tell my wife, “It seems like whenever I look up, I’m back at work” and it was depressing. :-/ I could never live in the moments that I spent at home with my family because whenever I was home I was thinking about being at work.  I know that this was due in part to the fact that work life was EXTREMELY stressful. And as much as I tried not to bring it home with me, I would fail… miserably.

But ever since starting my current job, I think and see differently.  Now I smile and say, “You know honey, all I do is blink and I’m back at home.” 🙂 I relish in the moments that I’m at home and enjoy every second.  For a while, I used to say, “I turn around, and here I am back in bed with you” 😀  It may seem like a small thing, but I tell you, perspective makes all the difference in the world.

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