Sexual Litmus Test?


*Warning: This post may be laced with TMI*

Okay, so back in early 2004 I was chatting with a friend online and I told them I had a good weekend and a great morning.  First thing they asked me was, “Oh, did you get some?”  I rolled my eyes at the realization that some people equate having a good morning or day, with having sex.  Like it’s the only reason anyone would have a good day.  I mean, I’m sure there have been plenty of people who’ve had sex and still had bad days (especially if the sex was bad ).  But anyway, I found this particularly interesting because most people who knew me would never have asked this question.

I proceeded to tell them that I hadn’t had sex since 2000.  Their follow up question was “Why??”, almost as if it was the most preposterous thing they’d ever heard.  They couldn’t believe that “someone like me” (their words) hadn’t had sex in 4 years.  I had no idea what they meant by that.  I mean, should I have like a Daily Recommended Sex Allowance label on my forehead?  Instead of going into all of that, I just told them, “Well… the last time I had sex was in 2000 with the woman who would become my ex-wife in March 2001.”  I explained to then that I didn’t believe in having sex outside of marriage.  And of course, this was a total shocker to them, as if the fact that Dre (my fiance at the time) and I had never had sex was unimaginable. 

“You mean, you’re gonna marry somebody you’ve never had sex with??”

“Uh… yeah.  And you find this strange?”

“Hell yeah, I do!  There’s no way I’d marry someone without knowing how good they were in bed first!”

“Um… so you’re saying that you’ll only marry somebody if the sex is good?”

“Not just good.  It has to be amazing!”

I thought to myself… “and you wonder why you’re not married.” shy Evidently sex (not just sex, but “amazing sex”, as they put it) is their prerequisite to marriage.  Now, I know a lot of people that have sex all the time, married or not.  But this was my preference.  Even so, I don’t think it should ever be a deciding factor on whether or not to marry someone.  There are other factors one might consider far more important… you know, like drug & alcohol addiction… criminal background… or even lifestyle and goals.  In marriage, great sex or not, you will never reach the goal together if you’re walking in different directions.

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Categories: commentary, intimacy, marriage, opinion, personal, relationships, sexuality | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Sexual Litmus Test?

  1. I agree with you I also didn’t believe in having sex outside of marriage

  2. Even the most sexual people can only have sex so many hours in a day…and then there is all those other hours. 🙂 So you better like each other, love each other, like to talk to each other, have some things in common, enjoy doing some things besides sex…or it’s not going to work.
    You thoughts/beliefs on this are excellent. I admire your stance.
    HUGS! 🙂

  3. suggestivetongue

    Obviously great sex would be one of my prerequisites to choosing to be married to someone. I don’t think I could be satisfied if my sexual needs weren’t met! That said, no way would it be my only qualification. You have to find someone who can be your best friend. No relationship can be sustained on sex alone. What would happen if I married someone who I didn’t click with in the bedroom? I’d go mad. That said, you’re lucky. It sounds like you have everything you want. Not everyone is so lucky 🙂

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