Posts Tagged With: wife

Marriage and the Music Download


On Saturday, I wrote a song…

Or rather, a song was downloaded into my head. It was a total Neo inside the Matrix “I know Kung Fu.” moment. Although Saturday was the day I wrote the song down, it’s actually much older than that. Because, you know, the song was already written. It just hadn’t come to me yet. πŸ˜‰

matrix-i-know-kung-fu

Okay, what do I mean by all this crazy talk?

Well, my wife could attest to the fact that several of the songs I’ve recorded over the years have been birthed through divine inspiration. These songs are typically a combination of experience and passion that have coalesced into this emotionally infused audio representation of God’s heart and/or my heart toward Him. This was one of those songs. Even though the lyrics are directed toward Him from me (or from others who can relate), it’s like God wrote it, but I was just the one through which he chose to bring it forth.

This happens on occasion. Far too infrequently I might add. I suppose that could change if I would sit down and listen more often. But I digress. Back to the song on Saturday…

Some songs come to me in pieces. You know, a title here, lyrics there, and maybe a melody somewhere down the line. But there are times when the song He gives me is so complete that it all comes to me at once… the words, the music, the melody, the tempo, the vocal arrangement, everything. When this happens, it’s done so with such ferocity that I can barely get it all down fast enough.

So it was that I performed this downloaded song, titled Fall On My Knees the very next day at church after Sunday worship. A snippet of it is posted here… (no disclaimers)

Fall On My KneesFall On My Knees

While I was singing, there was a point during which I was so overcome with emotion that I was very literally on the verge of tears (I didn’t include that part in the audio snippet ;-)). This sentiment was echoed by people who came up to me after service to thank me for writing and performing the song. They said it was as if the song was written specifically for them. In a sense, I think it was. It was written for everyone who is in the exact same place I was in. I was just happy to be used this way.

It’s a certainly a wonderful thing when your gift blesses God and his people. But I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the critical piece of the puzzle that was key to this all coming together… my wife. For if it weren’t for the fact that she insisted I take some time to myself on Saturday, occupied our small tribe of children for hours, and created an atmosphere that encouraged self-care and creativity, this would never have happened.

So to my wife I say… THANK YOU, with all of my ever-expanding heart. ❀

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Categories: marriage, music, personal, relationships, religion, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s In Store for Two-Zero-One-Four


Hello I’ve been meaning to write a New Year’s post for the last (checks calendar) 23 days. And while I totally missed New Year’s Day, I wholeheartedly subscribe to the “better late than never” philosophy. πŸ˜‰

This is my official “Welcome to 2014!” post. Albeit somewhat further into 2014 than I first anticipated. But you’ve still got a good, what… 11? 11 1/2 months to go? I think we can work with those numbers.

Okay, so this year I plan to blog more! I mean, I know that weeks have gone by since my LAST post, but we’ll just pretend that didn’t happen. M’kay?

One of the things I’d really like to do this year is establish more communication with my readers. You know, connect “on a deeper level” so to speak. Like, we start off as acquaintances who share an occasional laugh over some ridiculously juvenile meme about rainbows and coffee, and by the time this year is over, we’ll be BFF’s sharing inside jokes about that one time when I did something and you said that thing and was laughing for 20 minutes straight! Ha!

But…

First things first.

I figured one way to do cultivate our new found togetherness is to come up with a term of endearment for you all (all 11… 12… 13 of you ;-)). You know, like “Beliebers” for Justin Bieber (I am not) or “Marshmallows” for fans of Veronica Mars (I am indeed). Anyway, these are a few of the ideas I came up with:

  • Dove Bars
  • Dream Dovers
  • Doverboys & Doverbabes
  • Dove Tappers

Okay, okay… I know those are super lame. So please, if you would, help me out with some suggestions! I would be your BFAY (best friend all year)! Or at least until my WP premium expires. Which it won’t! I assure you.

So, back to 2014 stuff…

I’m working out again. 1003214_10151777577201773_1716813791_n

My wife and I will be celebrating out 10 year anniversary this August and I want to look even less frumpy than I did then. (Hows’ that for setting a high goal? πŸ˜›) Not that I was totally frumpy. But I want to look like I just graduated from the Super Hero Training Academy! πŸ˜€

Far fetched?

Maybe. Maybe not.

We’ll see how it goes. I’m starting off at around 200lbs. My trainer will get me down to about 185lbs, then I’ll build muscle mass back up to 200 (or as close to that without looking like some weird balloon animal).

Wish me luck! πŸ˜€

Categories: fitness, health, personal, photos | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Fair Trade


For the last few weeks, I have been… heavy. REALLY heavy. It hasn’t been a normal kind of heaviness either. This is an unfamiliar variety of encumbrance that I’ve never before experienced. I have been feeling the weight, not of the world, but of a life consisting of my multitudinous responsibilities, ongoing obligations, personal goals, interpersonal connections and work expectations, coupled with my undisguised exhaustion and noticeable (to me at least) vulnerabilities…Β  all on my recently more developed shoulders. :-/

As I was openly lamenting my burdens, my amazing wife (no seriously, she’s amazing) reminded me of the following scripture from Matthew 11…

“28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

And as we were praying together last night, I was overcome with gratitude for the invitation to shed this weight. To let it fall away. Not looking back at it. Not caring about its size, color or shape. But just knowing that once I’ve put it down, I can begin to walk away from it, in exchange for the Lord’s lightness and ease. It was in the immediacy of this moment I realized that as unbalanced and disproportionate as this may seem to me, as far as the Lord is concerned, it’s a fair trade. I really had to take it in… Jesus Holds

  • Giving him all the things that feel as if they will crush me under their collective weight = Fair Trade
  • Unloading all of my feelings of guilt, regret, unworthiness and insignificance = Fair Trade
  • Yielding those areas of my life over which (if I’m being honest) I have absolutely no control anyway = Fair Trade
  • Accepting the inequity of my load in exchange for His = Fair Trade
  • Salvation simply because He loves me = Fair Trade

I have been liberated.

 

“Lord I’m undone. I come to You. Show me Your face, Your spirit and truth. That I might worship free from my sin. I just want you.”Something New, Transparent

Categories: personal, religion | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Broken Walls


I read a quote once that went something like, “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” That was ringing in my thoughts after a conversation I had with my brilliantly insightful wife about friends a while back. See, for a long time I couldn’t say that I had very many close friends. That’s not to say that I didn’t have people that I cared deeply about. But aside from my wife and parents, there were maybe 2 other people on this earth that I felt I could trust implicitly.

The more I thought about it, the more it made me wonder if perhaps I had created walls that I was silently hoping people would care enough to break down. Was I baiting people? Were my friendships going to be based on some arbitrary display of perseverance? Would I take the fact that people hadn’t yet attempted to circumvent my relationship walls to mean they don’t really care about me? And then, in the absurdity of it all, turn around and feel as if this would allow me to not care either and so cast them aside? fist-break-through-wall

Heaven forbid…

It’s not that I thought people were disposable. But I could very well have pushed them away unintentionally with these walls of my own invention. The design of which is really not very fair. I mean, what kind of deep relationship could I really expect to gain if I made someone jump through hoops that THEY may or may not even realize exist?

I had to do some soul searching to figure out what this was really about.

It became clear that it was partly/mostly my own fault. There were people with whom I believed I could have a really close relationship. Some of them had actually pursued me. But I hadn’t reciprocated much if at all. Was it because I was a horrible person? I don’t think so. Instead, I’d convinced myself that it’s an issue of time. With all of the chaos that I’d been dealing with at any given moment, I told myself that I didn’t have the time to dedicate to the cultivation of a deep friendship with someone else. At one point I actually said to someone, “I really enjoy hanging out and talking with you, but I can’t give you the kind of things you want from this relationship and I don’t want you to constantly be disappointed when I don’t come through.” Unfortunately, this went against my own belief that you will make time for those things (and people) that are important to you. My wife called that a cop out.

So where did I go off track?

I think it was simply a defense mechanism. After being wounded in past relationships, I hadn’t really allowed an opportunity for anyone get close to me. I mean, not REALLY close. Yeah, I could share interests and show compassion and provide encouragement to others. But that was all about giving and nothing about receiving. Few people knew the details of the things that I struggled against on a daily basis. Heck, my blog audience probably knew (and still knows) more about the intimate details of my life than people offline. I believe it was an underlying fear of rejection. The less I put myself out there, the less chance I had of getting hurt. But I couldn’t live my life in fear of potential pain inflicted by others.

After that talk with my wife, I found myself lamenting the lack of deep friendships. It was then that I decided that I needed to pursue people.

Slowly. Just 1 or 2 in the beginning. But it was a start.

I’m curious if I am alone in this…

Does anyone else struggle with developing close friendships? I mean, the real friendships. Not superficial, mere acquaintances or people who want to be more but you’ve friend zoned them. I’m talking Best Friends. People you’d protect with your very life if necessary. Is that a challenge for anyone else?

Because in spite of the obstacles I’ve created in the past, I genuinely want those kind of people in my future.

Broken walls and all.

break-wall

Categories: personal, relationships, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Inconvenience of Marriage


My wife and I like to cuddle up at home and indulge in the occasional Rom-Com after the kids have gone to bed. We did this Saturday night with a movie I won’t name because I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, even indirectly. Anyway, like most Rom-Coms of late, I found the depiction of two married couples to be more than a bit offensive.

Why?

Because of how they decided to portray the families, and in particular, each couple. One of the couples had two kids (ages 4 and a newborn). The wife was constantly yelling and cursing at the husband, while the husband acted like a crass, apathetic fool with no understanding of social etiquette. Their 4-year-old was literally running around the room screaming like he was tripped out on drugs and the baby was somewhere off in the distance, crying and inconsolable.

The second couple had a baby that looked to be about 8 or 9 months old. They were insulting each other at every opportunity and it was more than obvious that resentment had built up in each of them to the point that they just didn’t care anymore if they hurt each others feelings in public.

Now, I’m sure there are couples that behave this way. That’s not what was offensive. What was offensive was the fact that they used these couples to illustrate what it meant to be married with kids as if this was the standard makeup of today’s family. It was the writer’s commentary on the torture of parenting and how it ruins otherwise good relationship, and was used in direct contrast to a couple of their single friends who watched these two couples implode and decided that it was better to have kids without the “inconvenience of marriage”.

This was the foundation of the movie plot!

I had to pause the movie to voice my frustration at what has become an oft-used plot device of making marriage and parenting seem like punishment for falling in love. I couldn’t understand why destructive, unhealthy marriages have proliferated among what are supposed to be ROMANTIC COMEDIES. I saw nothing romantic or funny about this.

My wife, the kind soul that she is, took my hand and attempted to soothe my frustration by explaining to me that the underlying message is that marriages are for more likely to succeed when the two people involved are best friends and not just lovers.

I accepted this explanation, albeit grumpily. I still think it’s in poor taste to bash marriage and parenting. As if we don’t have enough of that POV regularly reinforced by tabloids and other “reality” media. :-/

/rant

Categories: commentary, family, marriage, opinion, personal, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

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