Posts Tagged With: men

The Sniff Test and other Male Fashion Incidentals

Almost every morning when I get to work, a group of us congregate in the employee lounge as we concoct our morning potion. For some it’s coffee. For others it’s hot chocolate or tea. The conversations range from current events to family dynamics and are typically entertaining for all involved. However, I’m one of only a small handful of men in this particular office, so the conversations can sometimes take on a gender slant.

When this happens, I’m always amazed at how very different men and women are when it comes to certain discussion topics. For instance, this morning one of my female co-workers brought in a skirt (I’d tell you the color, style and cut but that would require me caring about that kind of stuff ) that she couldn’t fit and thought perhaps she could give it to one of our other female co-workers who might be able to fit in it. The conversation then turned and went into clothing sizes, body types, return policies, teen vs. adult fashion preferences, etc. I always tease them that they lose me when they start discussing clothes.

Women can go on and on about what article of clothing fit or didn’t fit and why. How many times who wore what when. And the reasonable price to pay for genuine vs. knock-offs. It’s all Greek to me. The extent of my interest in clothing is whether or not something is clean and/or ironed. I perfected the Sniff Test my first year of college. I get by having a limited amount of slacks with a small selection of button-up and polo shirts, supplemented by the occasional sweater for the colder months. About the only other thing that changes daily is the tie I might wear. I have a nice selection of gifted/inherited (because what man would ever need to buy…) ties that round out my work wardrobe.

So when the conversation shifts into clothing, that’s my cue to nod, smile, return quietly to my desk and ponder the practicality of a lint roller or that weird little fan thingamajig that people use to remove sweater fuzz.

Categories: personal, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

DOVE NOTE #67 – Murder of the Mood

Okay men, raise your hand (or simply nod in sullen agreement) if you’ve even had one of those days where you and your wife have been eying each other up all day. Flirty text messages flying back and forth.  Leaving little notes around the house full of cryptic innuendo. Wearing her favorite fragrance. Having brief conversations on the phone full of titillating descriptives. All of this in anticipation of getting intimately skinected to one another later. And then…

You ask a brainless question about her choice of clothing, or make a sideways statement about weight whose context is misconstrued, or simply fail to see, remember or do something rather important and BAM! You’ve killed the mood and sex is abruptly OFF the table… for the evening, possible for the week depending on the severity of the crime. Of course, you feel blindsided and you have no idea how you went from the Playboy Penthouse to the Devil’s Dog House. 😦

If this sounds familiar, just know that you’re not alone. There are many men who have inadvertently murdered an otherwise amorous mood. I call these moments instances of “Sudden Libido Disruption“. Sometimes the SLD is so great, the rift now between you so wide, that there is usually little chance of recovery, if any.

So how do you avoid the relational faux pas that result in SLD? Well you have to start of by understanding what has taken place. As I’ve mentioned earlier, for many women intimacy is tied inextricably to the heart and mind. This is why it’s important to keep the focus on the two of you throughout the day. Those breathy phone calls and sexting go a long way to filling her thoughts with being together. A major barrier to arousal is anything that would cause her to become distracted or preoccupied. So you don’t want to introduce any topic, situation or circumstance that might hijack her mind. Mindjackers can manifest in the form of frustrating circumstances (ugh… you didn’t take the garbage out like you promised and now there are ants all over the kitchen!) or financial discussions (wait, I thought YOU were going to pay the gas bill?) or even comments that prompt “futurisms(sigh.. I just have to lose this last 15 pounds before Christmas). It doesn’t even have to be that she’s necessarily mad at you, but the result is the same: SLD.

The bottom line is this… be mindful of what you say and be sensitive to where she’s at emotionally. You won’t lose with healthy doses of encouragement, attention and good ol’ fashioned romance.

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

DOVE NOTE #72: A Crying Shame

I was talking to this friend of mine about another gender issue: CRYING. She says it’s good to cry… to let out your emo…blah blah blah. My contention was that no matter what anyone says… what any magazine prints… what any newscast implies… Men Who Cry Are Considered Weak.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s wrong for men to cry. We just do it privately… and for very VERY different reasons. Women can cry for more reasons than there are days of the year… empathy, joy, pain, love, excitement, hatred, anticipation, sex, bitterness, Oprah, and the discontinuation of their favorite brand of panty hose. But (most) men? We only cry publicly for two reasons… we’re dying… or you’re dying. Other than that, we don’t (or won’t rather) cry in front of another person.

The general consensus (I worked for them one summer as an intern at the FEDD Female Emotional Deciphering Department ;-)) is that crying has always been considered a sign of weakness in men… and an expression of, well…  femininity in women. A woman’s tears can influence, calm, incite and confuse… and they’ve proven to be most effective on men. But soon as a tear streaks down a guys face without an amputated limb? (even then, it’s questionable :-P) he’s labeled as a softy.

Granted, some women might like soft men, but I’ve heard the saying “A hard man is good to find” (or maybe that was a sexual reference? *shrug*) Anyway, don’t feel bad if I don’t boohoo with you over the series finale of Desperate Housewives. I’m just a man (and I mean that in a good way, mind you). 😉

Categories: Dove Note, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Random Dove Thought: The Male Cycle

I’ve been M.I.A. the past week because I had a bit of a scare with an accelerated heartbeat last week. I’m a relatively healthy guy and my doctor pretty much agreed after he gave me the thorough once-over (EKG, heart ultrasound, lung capacity, etc). Could be tachycardia. Underwent a lot of tests and I’ll know the results tomorrow. Nevertheless, here I am. 🙂

Anyway, I had a discussion with a female friend of mine who says that men definitely have a “time of the month”.  She says there is a period each month when men are irritable, moody, stressed, and overly sensitive.  I jokingly said, “Yeah, it’s called payday.”

It did make me wonder though…

Do men really go through hormonal phases each month?

Categories: RDT, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

DOVE NOTE #61 – Mastering the Sixth Sense of Sex Perception

If you remember nothing else of the things I’ve written, please remember this when it comes to one of the key differences between intimacy for men and women:

For many men, intimacy originates from the eye.

For many women, intimacy originates from the heart.

Is one better than the other? Not necessarily. I believe they both serve a useful purpose.

Men are more visual. Because of this, they help bring an appreciation for physical beauty that translates into affirmation for every female body type. Meaning, some men prefer short, stout women, while others prefer their women to be tall and skinny (and everything in between). This reinforces the truth that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that women shouldn’t be overly concerned with looking like someone else. Aside from issues concerning health, they are encouraged to be comfortable in their own skin.

Women are more emotional. They bring balance to intimacy by preventing it from developing into what would otherwise become a very superficial pursuit. One that, when carried out, is a detriment to relationships of any true depth. They also help men learn to understand the relationship between the “physical expression of an emotional connection”. This curbs some men’s tendency to be selfish in pursuit of physical pleasure. This supports the healthy mindset that women are more than just arm candy and their value shouldn’t be reduced to that of a sex toy.

I honestly believe that it’s understanding these divergent motivations for intimacy that allow us to make a deeper connection with one another and bring about greater sexual satisfaction overall. The bottom line? Don’t settle for a one-night stand when you can have a whole-life adventure.

Categories: Dove Note, intimacy, relationships, Series, sexuality | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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