Posts Tagged With: memories

Voices


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“You’re such a mean dad!”I usually hear this one after I discipline my children.

Your wife is miserable!”I hear this one mostly on the days when I see how overwhelmed my wife can become with managing a household that includes four children under 8 and two over 16.

“You are a failure!”I hear this one frequently. Either when I reflect on unmet educational goals or unwritten books and songs that are begging to get out of my head.

“People don’t like you. They think you’re weird and anti-social.”Well, if you’ve read “The Struggle With Hugs” last year, you’ll understand this one.

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Yes, these are the voices in my head. No, not the “OMG, I’m hearing things!” crazy kind of voices. But rather the very distinct voices that narrate various parts of and events in my life. Like uninvited guests to my parade of memories.

They are altogether unrepentant, distorted versions of my own voice that cast verdicts from the sidelines like a mental peanut gallery.

This is probably the result of the fact that I have a tendency to fall into over thinking or over analyzing situations and people. As soon as I dedicate any mind power to introspection, here come the snickering voices that want to judge my past or recent actions against society’s definition of success.

Sometimes it seems as if they simply want to pull me toward despair. Encouraging depression and pessimist behavior. Or pushing me toward isolation and episodes of social awkwardness.

But I resist.

I push back at them by encouraging myself with what I know to be true. I am loved by my wife and children. I am appreciated and respected by my peers. I pursue honor and integrity and support others in their pursuit of health and happiness.

Of course there are days when my exhaustion makes the effort to resist seem ten times harder. But I’m not given over to pity parties. Besides, there’s yet another voice that likes to shout things like, “No one wants to hear about your stupid issues, Mr. Happily Married with 6 beautiful kids!”.  I just ignore it, realizing that if I decide to stuff down those thoughts instead of purging them, I will become the worst version of myself.

So this is my release.

My confession.

Admitting that I struggle against the naysayers from within more so than I ever did against those from without. Yet, I strive to be a daily overcomer. One who acknowledges the challenges while doing everything necessary to overcome them.

It makes us human and ultimately, makes our victories so much sweeter.

What do some of YOUR voices say to you? How do you quiet them?

VoicesInHead

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Categories: personal, stories | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

DOVE NOTE #90 – Soda Explosion


We all know (or should know) that any relationship worth having will have some issues to iron out. The following is one such issue…

Two friends of mine are making plans to get married (somewhere in the distant future, and yes, to each other). The guy is having difficulty understanding why his fiance wasn’t okay with him hanging out with an old female friend. He says she’s only a friend. Although, when pressed, he admits that this girl likes him. And though he says he doesn’t like her, it still doesn’t foster a sense of security with his fiance.

I told him that this girl is probably hoping not-so-secretly that if things don’t go well with his current girlfriend, she’ll be there to “mend his heart” and finally get her chance to date him. He found the thought of that to be somewhat ridiculous. Mostly because he doesn’t find her remotely attractive.

So I offered him a word of advice. I said, “Willfully contributing to your partner’s insecurity is like shaking a bottle of soda. Once you open it up, it’ll explode all over you and everyone close to you.” I told him to show his fiance how much he values her by demonstrating his preference for her feelings over all others. Blessed is the husband whose life consists of joyful memories upon which he and his wife can build a happy future.

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Vacant Room


I revisit this
vacant room
shrouding the memories
of provocative correspondence.
But only
periodically.

Not for any significant reason
other than the fact that
these memories
in a way
seem to help me
cope with the loss.

Or maybe
it’s the only lie
that works for now.

My thoughts
quickly fill up
with possible actions
reserved for those
who simply
are not me.

A fine layer
of dust and sorrow
has settled upon
this collection
of relics.

I serves as
sole patron and curator
of my own
hall of regret.

And so I take
one more look around
with an inhale
and a sigh
and reluctantly
close the door
behind me.

Consciously deciding
to leave it unlocked
until the next time
I need something
to remind me of
the past reality
that overshadows
my present dream.



By Myxl Dove
©2010 Browel Publishing

Categories: prose, relationships, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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