Posts Tagged With: dinner

DOVE NOTE #74 – A Host Of A Chance

If you ever find that your house/apartment/shack/shoebox has been selected to host any type of social event – whether it be a friend’s birthday party, graduation dinner or movie screening for 20 Twihard teenagers – there are a few things you should know about proper hosting etiquette. And no, I don’t mean knowing how to tri-fold a napkin or failing to appreciate proper table settings. I’m talking about more critical things… like how to make sure your wife feels appreciated, and most importantly, like she’s not the only one responsible for pulling it all together.

First of all, understand that this is a place where you live TOGETHER and as such, preparation should originate from a place of collective pride in the home. If you both (and your children, if you have any) contribute to its “lived-in” look, then you both (including said children that may or may not exist) should contribute to the initial cleaning, setup and presentation.

Secondly, be aware of the order of events. This means, discuss what is going to take place and when, and who’s responsible for each part BEFORE your guests arrive: What times does it start? What time does it end? Who’s being honored/celebrated and why? Who’s been invited? Who couldn’t make it? What kind of food is being served? As the host, you should know the answers.  Plus, the last thing you should want (and your stressed wife needs) is for someone to come up and ask you a simple question that you should know, but don’t. What’s even worse is you looking happily befuddled while redirecting people to your wife for answers.

And lastly, when it’s all said and done… and the final inebriated guest has been shoved into a cab or a sobbing teenager has been carried away by a “Team Jacob!” mob driving a symbolic hybrid SUV, do NOT ask if your wife needs help cleaning up while you scoop the last bit of guacamole from the serving bowl. It’s like asking someone if you should call the fire department while their house goes up in flames.




Contrary to popular belief, while mom may be the interior designer of the home, she does not want to be the taskmaster. She shouldn’t have to ask for your help. It’s everyone’s responsibility to put the house back in order. Doing so not only communicates to your wife that she isn’t the default janitorial staff of the house, it also lets her know that you (and those rambunctious children you created) desire and appreciate a clean house just as much as she does. 😉

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DOVE NOTE #15 – Countdown To Happiness

I’ve heard it said on more than one occasion by more than one person, that if one (or more than one) thing “were different about  me/my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, I/they would be perfect“. Well, let me rescue you from the prison which is this completely ridiculous and unrealistic desire.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a preference when it comes to the qualities you find attractive. It also doesn’t mean you can’t desire to become a “better” girl/boyfriend or husband/wife. But finding or becoming that person is rarely, if ever, about following someone’s suggestions, and absolutely about what each individual person considers a great partner to be.

This is why I encourage people to really take their time when choosing a mate. Being patient when it comes to heart matters can help you avoid a multitude of problems. And I don’t mean problems like being undecided about which restaurant you’d like to visit for dinner. I’m talking about the lingering kind of problems that stem from people erroneously thinking that physical beauty somehow translates into integrity, honesty and strength of character. These traits are not always evident when you first meet someone. So when you’re feeling impatient about a new potential relationship, consider the flip side of the saying “good things come to those who wait” which says, “bad things will often overtake the impatient“. 😉

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DOVE NOTE #2: It’s In The Details

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

Men like to do things big…

Big trucks,

Big home theater systems,

Big plates of food,

even Big pets…

But in talking with my female friends, one of their chief complaints is that in doing things BIG in the relationship, men often overlook the details. And let me tell you, the details matter.

You can score points by remembering details. But, the opposite is also true. MAJOR points will be deducted for missing important DETAILS.

She will definitely appreciate you planning a romantic dinner for the two of you and making reservations at the most swanky restaurant in town. But what will impress her more?  Have the car washed and detailed before you pick her up… even if the evening is a surprise, inform her of the specific dress code for the night’s events so she won’t be too hot, too cold, over or under dressed for the occasion … remember (and then order) her favorite wine…


Steal her for a unexpected weekend getaway.  But have all the arrangements made for kids/pets/plant care, pre-pack the suitcase and let her know that if we’ve forgotten anything, you’ve brought extra cash for contingencies.


Offer to cook dinner. Have dinner ready at a reasonable hour and be mindful of her current health focus/diet plan/eating guide. Make dessert something indicative of your relationship. Pudding cups are UNacceptable.


I guarantee that the response to your attention to detail will be exponentially more than the effort invested.

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

DOVE NOTE #35: Connections

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

In a very real sense, most of us have a tendency to let life’s circumstances keep us from doing the things we Want To Do (WTD), because we’re so busy doing the things we Need To Do (NTD). The most obvious NTD’s include acquiring life necessities like food, clothing and shelter. But NTD’s can also include hefty responsibilities at work, obligations with family, school or church, or even ongoing extra-curricular activities like coaching or playing on a sports team. At times, the NTD’s can become so demanding that we feel prisoner to them. We find ourselves trapped, suffering through an exhausting schedule that will inevitably cause our relationships to suffer.

WTD’s are those things we place on our list of priorities that are primarily add-ons… things that we won’t even number without feeling guilty. These include going out with friends, sleeping in on a workday, or working on a hobby. Unfortunately, some NTD’s can have such a vigorous appetite for time that other NTD’s are demoted to WTD’s. You have to be very mindful of this subtle transition because some NTD’s are vitally important. One of the most critical NTD’s is connecting…

“You should NEVER underestimate the value of connecting with the person you love on a consistent basis.” I will say this over and over again until it registers to the very core of your being, because this is one of the basic principles that successful relationships are based upon.

What is “connecting”?

Connecting means to set aside time to spend with the person you love that is uninterrupted and without distraction. It usually takes the form of a date. But with intrusive NTD’s, dates can become a stressful exercise in multi-tasking (dinner, movie, etc) where you try to fit a hundred things into an hour or two, and wind up detracting from the quality of the experience. Genuine connecting can be as simple as sitting and talking for hours. It has to be time that doesn’t feel rushed, fueled by a desire to be with this person that isn’t contrived.

I’ve found that one of the worst case scenarios of an all-consuming NTD’s is when two people have become so overtaken by their schedules that they grow apart. In this situation, NTD’s have been allowed to create a distance between them that not only separates them physically but has now separated their hearts. Unchecked, this can lead to resentment, frustration, depression, guilt and anger. All of which can sound the death knell for an otherwise vibrant relationship.

After realizing the possible consequences, taking (yes, taking) the time to connect with my wife has become my priority NTD.

Categories: Dove Note, marriage, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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