Posts Tagged With: call

DOVE CONFESSION: I’m Not A Phone Person


In order to rid myself of the growing frustration associated with what I have come to describe as “Telephonic Aversion Disorder” or TAD for short, I am confessing this to all of you: I don’t like talking on the phone. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but as it turns out, there are people who find this bizarre, disturbing or even selfish.

All I can say is that I find the phone to be a necessary distraction at best. I only make or receive phone calls when absolutely necessary. I even avoid it when it IS necessary. *sigh* I know. It’s bad. I admit. But in my defense, I think it’s a result of the PTSD caused by horrible voice mails and phone interactions with HOWie over the years. There were times when I’d hear the phone ring and immediately my heart would start racing, my face would flush and my breathing would kick up a notch. I’ve since learned to manage that anxiety. But I think there are some lingering effects still present.

It’s not that I despise talking on the phone per se. As a matter of fact, I used to be quite the charmer on the phone. In high school, I would regularly spin tales of neighborhood circumstances to my friends and relatives, or regale attractive female classmates with my growing wit and vocabulary. Before we got married, I would often talk to my (now) wife on the phone for hours and hours. There would even be days when we’d fall asleep on the phone. It was a wonderful time.

But now… the less time I spend on the phone, the better. Save for the occasional rant over a bill dispute or internet outage, I still reluctantly take calls. Most times I’ll let it go to voicemail and just check the message to see if it’s urgent. With the exception of my wife. I take EVERY. SINGLE. CALL. she makes. There is never a time when I won’t accept her call. She is me. So it would be like ignoring a call from myself.

Anyway, if you ever call me and I don’t answer, don’t take it personally. I have a real aversion to the phone that has nothing to do with you. Unless it does. lol I’m kidding.

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Categories: personal, stories | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE NOTE #46: Debate Abatement


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

You can often avoid unnecessary debate with your significant other by simply answering a question clearly and completely the first time it is asked.  Ambiguous responses are typically unacceptable, and answering a question with a question is borderline abomination.

Some conversations become unnecessarily convoluted because of miscommunication, assumption and hurt feelings.  Many times this byproduct is completely unintentional, but left unchecked, conflict becomes equally unavoidable.

The key to avoiding this pitfall is to make sure you fully understand the question being asked before you answer.  Try to connect with the underlying motive for the question being asked.  Realize that the person is trying to gather very specific information from you.  It’s your job to identify what info they are requesting and then answer that question directly.

Here are a few examples:

Do you want to go dancing?

CORRECT: “Yes” or “No”                  INCORRECT: “I don’t mind”, or, “I’m not a good dancer”

Are you hungry?

CORRECT: “Yes” or “No”                  INCORRECT: “I could eat”, or, “Are you cooking?”

Did you call my father back yet?

CORRECT: “Yes” or “No”                  INCORRECT: “Why, did he call you?”, or, “You know I’ve had a busy day”

If you fail to answer the question directly, your purely innocent conversation that otherwise would have lasted maybe 15 seconds, will now consume the better part of a day… or more, depending on how utterly clueless and insensitive your response was considered to be.

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DOVE NOTE #10: Make The Call


(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

I have realized that for some women, talking on the phone is more than just an exchange of words. It is actually a declaration, in no uncertain terms, about their importance and value. Though unspoken, there are several questions that go through a woman’s mind when she calls you, or while she’s on the phone with you. Some of the key questions are these:

1. Will he get off the phone with someone else just to talk to me? (Note: This is a cut & dry issue. Either she’s important, or she isn’t. There is no in between.)

2. If he is busy, will he call me back in the time he told me? (Note: If you say you’ll call her back in 5 minutes, that means 5 minutes. This does not mean 10 minutes, or even 6 minutes. If you are late by more than hour?? DO NOT CALL. Show up with flowers, candy or any other peace offering.)

3. Will he rush me off the phone after 5 minutes of talking. (This is critical. You may not think much of it, but it is considered a major insult.)

4. Is he sincerely listening to me, or is it just a means to an end? (Believe me, they can tell the difference.)

5. Will he stay on the phone until the sun rises, simply because he enjoys talking to me so much? (Oh, you’re tired?? So what! This simply means that you are willing to make sacrifices for her. She needs to know this.)

6. What do we talk about? Him? Me? or Us? (For her, there should be a balance of about 20% him, 40% me, 40% us. This can vary at different times, but you will not lose using this formula)

Phone calls can be critical to relationship stability. Do not take them lightly. If used correctly, they can become mutually beneficial for both of you. Remember, the purpose of the phone call is to connect with each other. Kindling the embers while you are apart, makes it easier to spark the inferno when you’re together.

Categories: Dove Note, relationships, Series | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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