To be loved or to be wanted?


As a follow-up to yesterday’s post, I thought I’d take it a little further and explore the underlying motivations of some of the relationships I’ve experienced and/or observed. I was never the guy who went on lots of dates. I’d mostly approach girls who I found attractive and could see the potential for something long term. But there are some people who get into a relationship, not because they are looking for love, but are desperate for affirmation. They are satisfied with being wanted and not loved. And the fact that this person wants them is enough upon which to base a relationship. Even if, in many cases, it is destined to fail because of the shaky foundation.

Of course there is a huge difference between being LOVED and simply being WANTED.

To have someone LOVE you means that they’ve committed to accept you; this imperfect person with all of your relationship baggage, emotional filters and family dynamics because they’ve identified something within you that makes you someone they’d rather not live without.

To have someone WANT you means that you are more akin to a possession. It’s not so much about who you are, but rather what you represent. You’re an award, proof that the person is capable of being with someone (anyone), or perhaps you provide the person with bragging rights or some increased level of prestige. And depending on your previous experiences, either with family or prior relationships, you find this acceptable.

If you settle for just being wanted, it can leave you feeling empty, unsatisfied and undervalued. But many people see being wanted as a means to an end. Some of the women that I’ve spoken to are in their early 20s and are afraid that if they don’t settle for something now, they’ll have nothing later. They erroneously believe that a relationship built on being WANTED can become one based on LOVE. Unfortunately, shallow relationships rarely, if ever, achieve any depth beyond their initial superficial existence.

However, I can tell you unequivocally that LOVE is worth waiting for. My amazing wife, whom I absolutely adore and thank God for every day, was 34 years old when she married me. That would seem late to some people, but we’re going on almost 7 years strong and have 2 (soon 3) beautiful children. It was well worth the broken road that led me to her.  So don’t sell yourself short because of a false perception that you’re running out of time. Because this kind of fulfilling love will make the rest of your life feel like an eternity.

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