What You Want vs. What You Say You Want


Before I got married, I had one of those Male/Female Perspective discussions with a female acquaintance of mine who was venting about the (supposed) unavailability of good men. She exclaimed in prime cliché form that “All the good ones are either married or gay!” I looked at her with a frown and she quickly added, “Other than you…  but you don’t count.” *sigh*  The same familiar ol’ story I’d heard before… but I digress…

Anyway, I let that one go, and decided to ask her, “So what do YOU consider a good man to be?” She started listing the characteristics that she would like to find in the perfect man and I stopped her, “Um… excuse me, but you said a good man.  You said nothing about a perfect man.  Besides, perfect men do not exist and if you’re seriously looking for someone, you need to be honest about your expectations.”

She agreed and said that the ideal man (I conceded that adjective after some debate) would have a good job, no debt other than normal expenses, his own car, and mature.  He also needs to be strong like a man should be (whatever THAT means) in every way, be able to fix cars and take out the garbage…  I kinda trailed off as she got into the trivial details of how he should be able to open pickle jars and shovel snow for her, etc…

I could understand her desire for those qualities in a man, but I’m of the opinion that you should be real about the practical side of things.  I mean, come on… will you ever really have snow to shovel in Los Angeles?… and is there anyone in California who has NO debt?  I mean, some rich people actually have more debt (total amount) than poor people.

After some thought, she sighed and said… “Honestly… I just want him to be sensitive to my needs, compassionate to others, driven to succeed, and most of all… hopelessly in love with me.  If he had those qualities, I think everything else would fall into place.” I smiled and said, “I have no doubt that it would.”

Isn’t that what we all want from the person with whom we choose to share our lives?  Blessed are those people who find it… recognize it for the priceless gift it is… and hold onto it no matter who or what may come.  I am fortunate to have joined the ranks of the blessed.

For those who are still looking, what do you really want?
Not in a perfect sense, but in a practical sense.

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Categories: relationships | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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